Flash Fiction Anthology

Confession of a Queen

The door slid open slowly, smoothly, coming to a stop without a sound. It let a sliver of tremulous light penetrate the darkness like a ghostly arm of death, and touch my eyelids with its freezing fingers, forcing them to open, not allowing them to close.

Not again! My subconscious  screamed before my mind was properly awake. No, please not again...

But there was nothing I could do. Unlike in reality, in the land of dreams I had no power over the story unfolding around me. I couldn't force the door shut. I'd have to witness the events again, terrible, cruel, awful events that had happened on my orders.

I wondered briefly-- unable to force my half-sleeping mind to form a clear thought, to resist the pull of the eerie light now seeping across the stone floor of my chamber, flooding it like a liquid fog whose tendrils coiled around my limbs, and pulled me out of my bed-- if all villains suffered like this, if their own dreams became their constant, interminable punishment.

My eyes filled with tears as my bed covers were lifted off me by the clawed fingers of light, and I was left trembling in my white night gown to follow the luminescence barefooted, scared, alone and desperate through the half-open door.

Darkness reigned beyond the door, the night that had seeped within through the windows and crevices in the ancient walls was only disturbed by the glowing low fog which kept its hold of me, dragging me along narrow corridors and spiraling staircases to the highest tower of my castle. The castle where I had been happy once, living, loving, dreaming of forever at his side.

More tears slid down my cheeks when I recalled him again, the only man I had ever loved, the king of this castle and the surrounding country who had left me at home one day with a swift kiss, bemused by my tears, laughing them off, promising to return home in a few days from the village hidden far in the mountains where people were said to be unhappy with their ruler.

My only love, the man who had been ready to do miracles to keep peace in his kingdom, to make everyone happy, the loving king who had never returned to me, who had been slain along with his knights by the rebels.

The hole he had left in my chest, where my heart had once been, was gaping, aching still...

His death drove me to the edge of reason-- in my despair on hearing that I would never see him again, hold him, hear his voice, I had sent an army against a handful of rebels, to avenge him, to punish them for the pain they had caused me. I hadn't been there, I had been too sick with grief when my soldiers burned down several villages, killing every single soul that had refused to surrender, men, women, children...

But the dreams that started seeping through the open door of my chamber each night shortly after, showed me the event in the sharpest detail. Night after night I saw the fires, smelled the singed hair and burned skin, heard the screams rising, then dying in the crackle of flames devouring buildings, animals and humans alike, turning them into smoke, carrying them to heaven, or maybe hell.

The moment of madness caused by grief had turned me, a loving queen, into a heartless villain. It would never change, there was no way to undo what had been done, I would carry my sorrow tripled by the crime I had committed forever with me, within that black hole in my chest where my heart had been.

There is a way to stop your suffering, cruel queen... The glowing fog seeped up my legs, shrouding my body in whispering light, its sussurrus and cold touch making me tremble as I finally awoke, finding myself, once again, in the doorless arch at the top of the highest tower. A streak of pink brightened the pre-dawn sky in the east, far above the heaving, murmuring, silver sea, cold wind coiled through the long tendrils of my hair while the scent of brine filled my nostrils and the cool, damp air cleared my mind.

You are only one step from never ending peace, the world around seemed to whisper, and I longed to take that step, to let myself fall off the tall tower, into sweet oblivion...

I lifted my foot off the stone floor, rendered slippery by the humid air just as the unborn life inside of me stirred, reminding at the last moment that this wasn't my decision to take. The future king deserved a chance at life, even though his mother was a cruel villain. Sighing deeply, I forced myself to take a step away from the arch.

Peace wasn't for villains like me. I had to resist its temptation and serve my sentence-- a lifetime of grief and remorse-- and look after my people, keep the kingdom safe and happy as my king used to do, until our son could do it.

Only then I could follow his father wherever he was now.