Temptation (NEW)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

If I had known what was to come after that weekend, I might have done things a little differently. I don't know what I'd do exactly, but I would have tried anything and everything. Weeks have gone by and we have just gone through the motions of life. Sasuke is withdrawn. He does little things that give me hope, but reality has hit him hard. It's impossible to read him anymore. We're in our last few weeks of the semester now. Itachi has found Sasuke an apartment and we've been helping him settle in. I figured that might have helped him, but I wonder if it has only made things worse.

Text messages are sparingly sent from him. I try to make conversation on the phone, but he only answers in short phrases. Sasuke was never an animated person, but he's far worse than usual now. There's no feelings in him. I believe he has pushed them all deep inside to hide away from everyone and himself. The weekend of Shikamaru's birthday was the last time I ever saw him shed a bit of emotion. I think he tries his best for me, though. Sometimes he will have me over for dinner at his new place and things will seem normal. He'll hold my hand while we watch movies. He'll kiss along my neck and whisper the things I want to hear. And at night, he'll press himself against my back and I swear I'll hear him whisper "I love you." I never say it back just out of fear of being wrong. If I had known anything, I might have risked it anyways.

"The final is in two weeks, everyone," Professor Hatake reminded us. I could hear the quiet sighs and groans popcorn across the class. He seemed almost amused by everyone's contempt. "Make sure you look over the notes from the entire semester. Class is dismissed."

Everyone was quick to gather their things and book it out of the room. Finals were approaching quickly and we all needed to spend every spare second studying. However, Sasuke was no where near as eager. His motions were slow as he put away his notes in his bag. He seemed not even the slightest bit stressed. I'd normally chalk it up to him being a smart student, but this was much different.

"We should get together this weekend and study," I spoke to him, hoping to evoke some sort of reaction other than melancholy.

"Hm, maybe," he sighed.

What an odd answer, nothing too unusual. You'd think I'd be used to this by now.

"Do you have plans or something?" I prodded. I felt a bit like a jealous boyfriend.

"Not really," he shrugged.

I followed him out of the classroom and into the empty hall. Shikamaru got used to us being together and no longer waited for me outside of my class. It was just us and the ugly hanging art.

"If you don't want to, that's fine." I tried not to sound petty, but I definitely had some sass in my tone.

"If you're going to be upset, then just come over," he snapped unexpectedly.

I frowned. "I don't want to if you're obliged to invite me."

I wish hadn't said anything at all. Maybe things would have stayed the same.

"I didn't invite you," he pressed. "You invited yourself."

I felt an itch to fight back. "Why are you acting like a dick right now?"

A look of anger sprung onto his face. It was almost a breath of fresh air compared to the constant blankness I had been seeing. However, my tune would quickly change.

"Why can't you understand that I might just want to be alone?"

"Then just say it, Sasuke. You don't have to act like an asshole to get your point across."

"Do you even understand how I might feel?" The question was filled with resentment. "I am so exhausted, Naruto."

"I've been really patient with you," I angrily replied. It might have been too much anger, honestly. My own resentment was pouring out now. "I have been there for you every step of the way and I never complained. All I want is to spend time with you. I don't understand why you could possibly be mad at me!"

I quickly realized he wasn't angry with me at all. Watching his face contort into shame and anguish made me wish I had never spoke. We have had moments like this before. Sometimes he just needed time to himself. Normally I'd be understanding and keep my feelings to myself. I suppose my own selfishness got the best of me today. I, too, have been struggling. I've been struggling with feelings of neglect. Even in our good moments, I always know in the back of my head that it's because he's doing it to keep me happy. He was never showing me affection for himself. He barely had the energy to be kind to himself, yet he'd do his best to keep me pleased. Insecurities really do eat at you after a while.

"That's the problem, Naruto," he began, his voice breaking just a bit. "You're not getting what you deserve."

"Sasuke, I–."

"I can't give you everything you want," Sasuke continued. His eyes were glossy from holding back tears. "You should have never gotten involved with me."

"Don't say that," I begged. "I love–."

I was stopped mid-sentence with a harsh shove. It shocked me and I braced myself for more. I guess it was just a wave of PTSD of how we used to be together. However, Sasuke just stood still. He just wanted to stop me from continuing.

"Please don't say it," he pleaded. "It'll make things harder."

"I just don't understand," I gasped. Tears were running down my face now. Hot, sticky, and humiliating. "How could you possibly just end things like this? Don't I get a say? I know what I'm capable of handling, Sasuke."

Sasuke bit his lip to stop himself from crying, but it only seemed to fail. I watched a few tears slip past his eyelashes, falling down his cheek.

"You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need, Naruto."

"You're the only thing I want and need," I argued. I felt anger and sadness all at once. This was the worst heartbreak I've ever felt.

"I just need to take care of myself for a while, okay?" It was all he could say without falling apart. Honestly, I don't think I could have handled much more, too.

I stood and watched him leave. It felt like the weight of the world just collapsed on my shoulders. It was agonizing to watch him walk away. I wanted to run to him and beg for another chance. I wanted to prove to him that I could wait as long as he needed. Instead, I just stayed still. I was frozen and paralyzed by grief. Maybe this was the right thing to do, but my heart said otherwise.

"That's tough, kid," a voice spoke from behind me.

It knocked enough sense into me to make me turn around. Professor Hatake was standing in the doorway with his eyes set on me.

"If it makes you feel better, my ex-boyfriend faked his own death to get away from me," he shrugged.

"O-Okay?" I mumbled, watching him saunter down the hall.

Maybe later on I can laugh about this encounter, but for now it just seemed like poor taste. I definitely didn't feel any better.