"Reciprocate this energy to me, you know I love you."
PUBLISHED..- December 18th, 2022.
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TOP RANK: #1 in '12'
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TOP RANK: #3 in 'urban romance'
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OMNISCIENT
The once good , and happy days that de'arra and jamel shared together were over— for a extended amount of time.
Days grew longer. They sat — or worked in loneliness- but hope was still put in both of their hearts.
After the argument— or the situation that night , considering it was nothing to argue over - the following morning , de'arra came back to her senses , and pulled enough strength to get up. She noticed how jamel slept silently , with his left arm over her.
Her mind flooded with disappointment — and fury. She got up , removing his arm gracefully and pulled herself off the couch , making her way into her bathroom.
She looked at her self. Insecurities flooded her vision and she immediately looked back down. The hope and glee she felt with jamel , or around him would always be there , but the trust wouldnt. She put her dedication into someone and it fucked over. Like always.
She couldnt cry anymore. She had done enough of that with her past— and she wasn't going to waste any on what she thought , would be apart of her future either. To be honest — she wasn't completely mad at him , but at the same time she was. She had been choosing too , but she never pulled through with it because of how every single minute they spent together — meant something to her. And she noticed it.
She lightly scoffed as the thought of 'what did it mean to him?' Sprawled in her thoughts. She grabbed her toothbrush and did her hygiene.
Her face was still puffed slightly , but better than yesterday. She silently walked into her room , mindlessly grabbing two pieces of clothing that were the same color and put them on , taking her hair out of the pony tail and letting her black - curly hair flow. It was a cream colored shirt and joggers that she had picked.
Movement could be heard from the living room , as jamel felt around for her. She peeped it— and quickly moved , grabbing a pair of slides , wearing the socks she had on from last night. Although her head pounded — from her severe drinking of last night , she put that aside her self as she had some Tylenol in her car , she planned on stopping at a gas station to get water.
She quickly walked out the room , only to see jamel sitting up.
"De." He rasped out. She couldn't wrap her mind around the tone of his voice. She couldn't tell. She just looked at him. With an nonchalant face. She had nothing more in her. She wanted jamel. Bad. But she knew when it was time to stop , and so she stopped.
"Say something." He pleaded. His eyes were low from the drinking , and cause of him just waking up.
Jamel couldn't figure out what happened last night. His mind was mumbled and jumbled, he only remembered yelling and crying. He tried to puzzle the pieces together.
"What is there to say , ja" de'arra responded blandly.
All jamel did was blink , and his face dropped. She had never called him 'ja'. Always jamel , or baby.
"I don't know what happened last night , but i know i hurt you in some way , de" he said , standing up slowly.
De'arra chuckled and looked to the side. "You wasted my time. 'Hurt you in some way'" de said , air quoting what he had said to her.
"I thought we could build something— but i had you all the way fucked up , and figured out wrong" she said , her voice echoing in his mind. She didn't yell. No energy to yell , she wanted to — but she couldn't.
"We can build something de'arra. You didn't have me figured out wrong. Please help me understand." He said , more like begged and walked a bit closer to her.
"How don't you remember? Im sure you remember telling her that you were all hers. Letting her dance on you." She raised her voice a bit. She was hurt , and even if she was in pain or lack of energy , she needed him to feel her.
Jamels actions flooded back as the words echoed again. He looked past her as it came back to him. His eyes flickered. He didn't understand his damn self. His eyes quickly fell on her. He saw the way her face was dropped and in misery. His face instantly softened. He went to say something , but she beat him to the punch.
"You know what ? , ill remove my self. You know where the door is , please be gone before i get back. Goodbye jamel" she said as she felt tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She wouldn't let him see her like that again. Jamels head shook left to right aggressively and fast.
"No." He said as she grabbed her purse , heading to the door. Jamel quickly jogged to her and pulled her back from the door. "De'arra no." His voice boomed through the apartment slightly , but not so loud. He couldn't lose her. Not like this.
Besides his close ones , she kept him hanging in there. He played well at his games for her , he woke up to see her. He couldn't do it with out her. She meant something more than special to him.
"De , i know i fucked up , but please believe me. I was out of my right mind. I had too much to drink , i blacked out , im so sorry. You gave up your façade for me — and i took it into consideration de , i swear i did." He pleaded again , as he tried to make eye contact with her. She wasn't having it. She listened to every word and took it into consideration.
"How can i believe you jamel? My trust for you is lost. My respect might be there , but this — us?" She questioned. His heart sank.
" i don't know how you could. I understand in your shoes more than you could understand. Ive been there. Just please , give me a chance. My heart is more in it than it is in basketball de'arra. Every-time i see you , i find myself more in tune with you than anyone and any thing else" He said passionately.
She stopped in her tracks this time. Thinking hard and long. Her mind and heart debated for a second — until she decided.
Her heart won.
She nodded her head slowly. "Im just a little closed off of you right now. I need time to think. Can you give me that?" She asked silently.
Jamel nodded. "I can give you that and more baby , i promise." He said , reassuring her again.
"I need a day or some to myself , ill contact you soon" she mumbled as he nodded, telling her he'd wait for however long. He wanted them to work. He wanted her and only her. And if he had to wait to be with her or gain trust , then so be it.
She told him to make sure he was out before she came back and hugged him. She couldn't lie , she felt more a level , but she still needed to revamp her mind and body.
