Under the Streetlight - Newtmas

E i g h t

Thomas:
I couldn't explain the feeling Newt dawned inside of me, some sort of warmness spread from the tip of my fingers and concentrated in my chest when he smiled, his mere presence made me feel safe, protected. He took my hurt away with a single grin, he had the power to blind my feelings and mix them up like a weird smoothie. He made me feel like a walking mess, he made me look and act stupid, and I hated that, even though he did nothing to make me feel this way.

I couldn't take my eyes off his stupid face, and he had the nerve to not be bothered about it, instead he stared at me back with a warm smile curling his rosy lips, who even gave him the right to walk around being so annoyingly perfect? I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him so bad. Not only that, but I wanted to feel him, to caress his hair, to hold his hand, I wanted to leave a mark on his neck, so everyone knew he was mine. That was the cringiest sentence I had ever even thought about... what was it of Newt that made me feel like I had no control over my feelings, over my own thoughts, over my actions? It was so messy, I was messy, and whatever nonsense I felt for Newt was all over the place, and I just wanted to smash it into a ball and throw it was far away as I could.

Why did I even feel this way? I liked girls, it had always been that way, but since his ass showed up in that street everything changed, for the better, of course. But before I was living a simple life, now I questioned each move I made, everything seemed confusing, I didn't want to face my feelings for him, but they were becoming harder and harder to ignore. So close but yet so far, that's how he really was, even if he liked me back —which didn't seem probable—, he was leaving, meaning I couldn't like him, even if I already did, I rather just ignore it, quoting him, crushes fade, some day you'll get over it. Football, guy stuff. That was the stuff I was supposed to be thinking about.

"Okay," he breathed out, his eyes narrowed. He looked miserable, almost as much as I felt it.

I got up, almost head bumping him. "I'm tired, we should go to sleep somewhere warm," I quickly excused, he slowly nodded, also standing up.

We walked dragging our feet on the ground, I breathed deeply to feel every smell before leaving the place; the freshly cut grass, the humid concrete walls and my favourite smell, the subtle aroma of fallen leaves slowly rotting on the floor. I stared at Newt, he was eyeing the floor, engulfed in his own thoughts with a frown on his face. Once we reached the door, I opened it with a slight push, this made him wake up from his daydreaming, I stood in my place and waited for him to cross the door, closing it behind us. Just after it, I hid the keys back in my pocket and started walking through the hallway, feeling Newt's breath behind me. "Where will we sleep?" He asked, almost in a whisper.

"In the library, the carpet's soft so we'll be comfortable," I answered, my voice neutral.

"Good that," he absently replied.

He seemed lost, too deep inside his head, and I felt the same way, I had too many question with no answers, and on top of that I was tired to death. I dragged my feet through the school's floor, trusting that Newt would be behind me, I wanted to know what he didn't say out loud, I wanted to read his thoughts like an open book. But at the same time, it was the last thing I needed, taking in account my already existing questions.

I caressed my face with my hands in attempt to empty my head, which resulted in the same situation but with blurry eyes. Soon we arrived at the library, it was lightened with a dim ray of moonlight entering from the only window in the room, the rest was dark as a forest, I heard Newt's light steps approaching me and stopping behind me, I turned my head towards his, he glanced at the window and then back at me. "Definitely not scary at all," he said, but he didn't smile, he just walked inside the library staring every dark corner and every shelf. I followed him, my eyes fixated on his shoes, because that's the only part of him that wasn't recognizable.

We made ourselves 'comfortable' in the furthest place from the door we could find, the red carpet that covered the floor made a slight difference from sleeping directly on the cold floor of any other room. However, after twenty minutes, my head was taking its toll on me, it hurt to the point I thought it was going to explode. I turned to the right in an attempt to clear the pain, I opened my eyes and watched Newt, he was sleeping peacefully, I could hear his breathing getting heavier, and my heartbeat getting slower, maybe I was being a right sissy, because having no pillow seemed like it didn't matter much to Newt. I took a quick peek at my watch, two past twelve o'clock, good luck to Newt trying to wake me up, I smiled to myself. Letting out a sigh, I closed my eyes, hoping my back pain wouldn't be too bad in the morning.

I felt my body getting heavier after a while, my thoughts becoming inconsistent, blurry... deep down I was thankful for it, sleeping was always my favourite part of the day, or night speaking properly, where trying to make a coherent thought wasn't required, and instead you could just let the memories flow freely, tangling with themselves, making a right mess. And the crazier it got, the better, it was like for once, someone else was controlling your mind, trying to organize the thoughts within it... and then silence, that's when you knew you were falling asleep.

Just as that wonderful, and very much needed moment arrived, my ears pricked, I heard slight movements, slow, probably Newt turning around, the urge to mirror his movement took over my body, and even though I didn't want to move a bone, it was like trying not to yawn after someone does it right next to you. I responded to my instincts and laid flat on my back, with my head facing the right. I placed one hand on my chest and prepared to relax again, but suddenly I felt something brushing against my side, I instantly opened my eyes and saw Newt. He looked like he was moving in his sleep, but not quite, hard thing to explain, he slid next to me and placed his head on my stomach, which immediately burst with butterflies of every size and colour, or at least that's how it felt. "Newt?" I whispered, nudging his cheek.

"Hmph" he grumbled, frowning, and burying his nose between my arm and my chest. I never felt more thankful to've showered just before.

"Are you asleep?" I asked with the least manly voice that ever came out of my mouth, and the silliest smile I had ever made.

"Yes, slim it before I'm not any more," he answered, placing his hand next to his angelic face. So he was actually conscious of doing... whatever this was? I smiled even wider staring at the roof above me, I got my arms behind my head, and before I could realize, I fell asleep along my Newt's side.

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