Lies of the Line

Chapter 8

I wasn't ready to come face to face with my mother when I did. Adira had turned away from me and was speaking to an old acquaintance about boring topics like politics and climate change. I was watching the people mingle in groups when a hand landed on my shoulder. I turned around and was met with the brown eyes of my mother.

"Lilac?" She looked me over like she couldn't believe I was there. "You came back?"

I nodded solemnly. "I wanted to be here for him." I glanced in the direction of the casket highlighted in flowers of all sorts.
She followed my gaze. "Are you permanently home? We miss having you around." Adira turned back to face me having finished her conversation.

"Alice, it's lovely to see you." She greeted my mother. The question was abandoned as they fell into a polite and scripted conversation of passive-aggressive comments and fake companionship.

"I hope you don't mind that Lilac is staying with me. I would understand if you would be angry. I can't imagine being abandoned by my daughters." Adira put a sharp edge to the words like she was looking down on my mother for letting her child leave with no announcement.

"You're staying in Cephille? For how much longer?" Mother turned to me.

"I'm not sure yet at least a month." I tried to deflect. "How have things been for Malik?"

She ignored my question, "At least a month?" She cried. "Outrageous! You live here and we need you here now more than ever! Your father died Lilac and you're just going to run off to another kingdom while your family mourns alone?" I was so angry I saw red.

"You never needed me before, why all of a sudden am I required to live here? If I remember correctly you told me you didn't want me as a daughter because I'm, how did you phrase it, 'clearly very defective." Adira looked appalled and stepped back, letting us have our space.

"I didn't mean it, I was just upset." Mother brushed it off. "I would think you would forgive me and not throw it back in my face." She scowled.

"That's rich coming from the woman who accused her daughter of lying about knowing who murdered her father." I snapped. She opened her mouth and closed it like she wanted to say something but didn't know what.

"Your brother did not kill your father. You're delusional." She spat. I balled my hands at my sides and took a deep breath in.

"Believe what you want but when the truth comes out you'll regret not listening." I spun on my heel and walked away from her. I decided I was done with listening to her lie to herself.

I walked alone, pushing in between people until I found a small stone bench underneath a wilting tree and sat down. I put my hands in my lap and sat quietly watching the other people around me talk while the wind blew the wispy pieces of my hair around my head. I couldn't hear a single thing being said but I imagined they were discussing the coronation.

I could see Adira walking towards me in my peripheral view. She moved slowly like she was strategizing how she would comfort me. She stopped near the edge of the bench before sitting next to me.

"I've never liked your mother. I've always felt she drains others of happiness. I'm surprised Tiberius lasted as long as he did." She was quiet like she didn't want to be heard.

"She and I always saw things differently but it never became a problem until I threatened the rule of her son. As soon as I mentioned that I thought he might have been a part of it she turned against me and told me I was jealous of him." I ran my fingers over the silk, drawing patterns. I hadn't told anyone how my mother and I had fought. It felt nice to let it into the air and to verbalize my feelings. "We'd always moved on but this felt like something shifted. It seemed like she had confirmed all the assumptions I had about how she saw me and we have drifted very far from where we were five days ago." The priests were preparing for the ceremony and people were filing towards the coffin where they would stand in honor of the late king.

"I thought she loved me when I was young. She would take care of me and she acted like she was my mother and not like I was a burden. I stopped feeling loved when I was eleven. Since then it felt like I was raised by one parent, who is no longer of this world. I feel very alone." The last sentence had slipped past my lips without much thought, but once it rang out I felt the weight of it on my shoulder, I wasn't just lonely anymore, I was alone.

Adira patted my hand and stood up signaling for me to follow. I rose from my spot and she looped her arm through mine and led me through the crowd and towards the area for the family. There were four of us there, Mother, Malik, Adira, and I. We stood out against the impoverished or even the common man in their wrinkled Sunday clothes while we stood high and mighty in our silk clothes. I wanted to disappear. The two priests dressed in white stepped onto the platform and a silence settled over the crowd.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Tiberius Marcove the I but also to grieve with his wife, his sister, and his offspring." The eyes of those gathered turned to look at us as we were specifically pointed out. I stood solemnly beside my aunt and hoped he would finish soon.

"It greatly pains me to say we lost such an amazing monarch. He was taken due to an unknown illness and we shall mourn him for an eternity. His legacy lives on in the lives of his children, Malik and Lilac." The old man wheezed the sentence before falling into a coughing fit. The young apprentice he had beside him picked up where he left off.

"While we regret his death, we want to celebrate his life. He led a good one and I hope none of you disliked his reign." The younger man boomed loudly over the crowd, projecting his voice. "If anyone has a question about the mourning processes please come to me or the elders in the church." He waved the crowd off to finish the funeral before leading the old man off the platform.

"Come with me. We'll get something to drink." Adira pulled me along beside her, stepping around people and looking for a table where maids would be handing out refreshments.

"We can leave soon, it is clear there is nothing left for us here." She stopped a few feet from the small wooden table that had young maids behind it.

She ushered me forward to get something to drink. I walked the few steps it took and smiled at the girls who scooped up a metal cup and filled it with water from a barrel next to them before handing it to me.

"Thank you." I smiled at them before swallowing the liquid and placing the cup upside down on the end of the table.

I thanked them once more before turning and meeting Adira where she had been before. She smiled at the women as well before walking towards the carriage.

"Today has been one of many losses, but good has come from it as well." I didn't agree with the statement as she led me through the sea of bodies. Today had just been a loss. I had not gained anything from the experience.

As I reached the gates, I could hear someone running to catch up with us. "Lilac," Malik shouted from behind me.

I turned around as he slowed his pace and took the last few steps to reach me. "Are you planning on returning at all?" He asked.

My mind was spinning seeing two different people in one person. I saw the boy I grew up with who took care of me, the brother I loved dearly. But when I noticed the military uniform and the crown perched upon his head I saw the man who killed my father. My emotions clawed up my throat and formed a lump making it harder for me to breathe.

"I think I will. Just not right now." I answered him honestly. He nodded his head and looked at his feet.

"I miss having you around. Things seem so dull." He stepped forward and hugged me, pulling me close to him. On instinct I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him back. I swallowed down the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes as he pulled back and smiled at me.

"I'll see you around then. I look forward to your return home." He bowed to Adira and me before turning and taking off to return to the event. I clutched my hands together tightly and walked as quickly as I could to the carriage. The guard had already opened the door and helped me in. Adira followed behind not long after. The door closed once more and after a few seconds of silence, the horses lurched forward and began the trip back.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the window. Home. The word felt foreign to me. I wasn't sure where home was. I wasn't sure if I even had a home. I wiped at the tears as they fell down my cheeks, trying to stay quiet to not hint at my sadness. But the tears continued to fall as the troubles from the past few weeks spun around my mind and caged me in despair.