Atelephobia

Don't wait til my grave to bring the flowers
I'm still alive but dying by the hour
Heart's been growing cold on a daily
Cause it feels like everyone wants to play me

Living paranoid I've been hanging onto my noose
Stay strapped on a daily walk a mile in my shoes
An agoraphobic kid that never had a love life
But waste more time staring at the blade of a knife

No I won't be going suicidal again now
Told myself I'd help others find a way out
But I've been feeling like I could die anyday
So don't think about getting in my way

Sometimes I feel like I don't amount to where I think I should be
So my head starts to fill up with doubt of a life I may never see
So I'm cutting people off that don't want to work towards a dream
Every conversation I have I want to be focused on bursting through the seams

Life is short and I want to leave a mark before I lay in the dirt
Cause I know what it's like to be alone and question your worth
People in my life sometimes worry about me cause of the music I play
But never question about the content in the writing I create

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really a friend
Or if I'm being used again for their benefit
But how could I tell if I'm always looking for the positives
So I've always had a problem trying to fit in with the narratives

I wrote about how I don't care if I'm left alone to follow my passion
But still look for support so I can finally gain some traction
Cause in the end I wanna lead them out of the dark
And show my circle they also play an important part

Always on the verge of another breakdown
Another deadly curse I'll have to take out
This mindset has me feeling like a letdown
But one day I'll overcome it once I set out