had to undo stupid chapter a few times the spacings still weird on my phone but fine on my computer idk yeah sorry if that happens
Earl, near tears: Please, stop! I don't speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!
Kevin: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.
Denise: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.
Kevin: You have to teach Mike how to drive.
Denise: ...put the band-aid back on.
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over Peyton's mouth* I said stop eating it!
Maverick: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Mike: The cow??
Anabelle: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Anabelle: And I started thinking.
Anabelle: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Anabelle: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
*learning CPR on a test dummy*
Vladimira: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
Sarah: No, they aren't breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
Vladimira: No, that's not part of it-
Sarah: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
Sky: I would want to live with no legs.
Sarah: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Sky. You don't do anything.
Vladimira: Right, well, let's get back to it. 'Cause we're losing him. *pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute.
Sarah: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Sky: How's that gonna help you?
Sarah: I will divide and then count to it.
Sky: Right.
Vladimira: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
Sarah: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Bryan: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Jerry without him noticing?
Bacon Boy: Hey, Jerry, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.
Jerry: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Bryan: ...
Autumn: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Silo: Several traffic violations.
Sarah: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Bella: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Sarah: Also, that's not our car.
Earl: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it's doing to your body.
Rover: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.
Earl: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Rover: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...
Mia: Today, Diane took my phone, and in five minutes, she sent high resolution close-up photos of herself to the following people: Autumn, Bella, Liz, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.
*at a zoo*
Sarah: What are they in for?
Autumn: This isn't a prison-
Sarah: So they can leave?
Autumn: No, but-
Sarah, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Amy: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?
Aria: What?
Amy: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.
Aria: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?
Raymond: Here's the cold medicine you asked for.
Raymond: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*
Basil: ...Thanks.
Anabelle: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.
Silo: Vlad, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Vladimira: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?
Sylvie: Are you drinking enough water?
Leon: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.
Bacon Boy: Bet you can't eat 15 crayons!
Jerry: Bet you I can!
Jay: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*
Nico: What are you two on about this time?
Coello: They're always using common phrases incorrectly!
Nelvin: Oh cry me a table, Coello.
Autumn: Pardon the intrusion, but-
Diane: On this moment or just my life in general?
Bacon Boy: Did it hurt when you fell-
Lazi: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Bacon Boy: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Lazi: ...
Bacon Boy: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Logan: Guys, I didn't memorize my lines!
James: Just use your lack of common sense! Everyone knows the characters in plays are dumb as fuck!
*During the play*
Cerena: Hey! You finally made it! Did you get the donuts?
Logan: W-what're donuts?
Earl: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Earl: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Maisie: Uh... what's up with him?
Dulquer: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Earl: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!
Hendrik, tearing up: It's working.
just realized how teasable earl could be in these i think he's starting to slowly grow on me
