The wrong star

Everything goes to hell

"Breathe... slowly in, slowly out," Miles says, my back rests against his chest and his voice reverberates through me.

I try to breathe as he says.

"What are you feeling?" 

"A pain in my belly... like, like I've been punched," I try to explain.

He feels my belly with his hands.

"Does it hurt?"

"No," I exhale.

The pain is more like something from the inside.

"Are you bleeding?" he asks. 

My hand trembles as I reach down and in between my legs, I may not be trained in the art of helping women give birth but one thing I know is that pain and blood before the cycle is completed is never something good.

I start crying before I can reach down.

"Anatuat, breathe, breathe okay? Come on, you can check or if you're scared I can do it if you want," he says. He's trying to mask the fear in his voice but I know him better now.

I take a very deep breath and then reach down, it feels dry and when I look at my hand there's nothing.

We both sigh.

"That has to be good right?" I ask.

"I hope. Please, try to calm down, keep breathing with me." Miles says and his hands gently rub my arms.

I feel protected here with my back to his chest and his arms around me until I remember that right now is not his shift and anyone could come looking for him.

"Miles, what if someone comes? We can't-"

"I don't fucking care. Let them come," he says and his arms tighten a little around me.

After a while, I feel the pain decreasing and there's still no blood.

"I think we're okay now," I say in a more calmed voice.

"Are you sure?"

"Let me try to stand up," he still offers me his hand for support and I take it.

I'm able to stand and the only discomfort I really feel is from sitting down for such a long time.

Miles looks me up and down, making sure nothing's wrong.

"I think we're okay now," I say again and grab his hand so he stops pacing.

"I was too fucking scared," he says in a raspy voice and his eyes are bright with tears he refuses to let out.

I don't say anything as I pull him to me for a hug, his hands wrap firmly around me.

"Do you think the baby is fine?" he whispers.

I'd like to think that as a mother I'll know if there was something wrong with my body or my baby, but right now I feel okay.

"Our baby is strong," I reply.

He shakes his head.

"I'm gonna get you out of here soon," he says. "The pain you felt was probably due to too much stress. I told you to please not be there," he leans back a little to look at me.

"So now it's my fault that murder upsets me?" I ask defensively.

"No, no! I'm not saying that-" his hands go to his head and he sighs.

"Just be careful okay? I knew that would upset you and then the killing of the baby... every part of this was cruel," he says, his upper lip raised with disgust.