The wrong star

I'm not like you

Everyone's asleep but the baby, Miles and me.

I fed him and stayed up but he's still crying. Miles and I take turns to pace around with him and try to calm him down.

"What's wrong baby?" Miles whispers to our son as he carries him and walks around hoping that this time he will calm down.

"Let me try again," I say standing up, my yawn giving me away.

"You need to sleep love, you've done enough for today," he replies.

"And yet... this is something I have to do," I smile standing up.

He doesn't let me take the baby from his arms but he lets me try to help.

Out of instinct, I start singing my songcord, some parts are blurry for me, I'll have to see my songcord to remember but still, I sing.

The baby stirs a little but his cries start to fade, Miles's furrowed brows relax too.

He rocks the baby gently as I continue singing.

"Can I hold him for a while?" I ask. Miles gives him to me and we're very careful during the process.

I continue to sing again but this time I guess the baby can feel the vibrations from my body and that will relax him further.

I manage to put him to sleep and Miles makes a little fire outside our tent so it is warmer, then comes inside and helps me put the baby in his "crib".

Miles and I lay down, he's behind me and his arms wrap around me protectively, as always I take his hand and interlace his fingers with mine.

We whisper goodnight and hope that the baby will sleep for a few more hours.

The day is now upon us and with that, noise.

We wake up to the baby crying and I feed him.

"Calm down, Nakoa," I say as he eats.

Miles went out to bring more stuff for our tent and for us to have breakfast, sometime after he went Neytiri came to visit me and the baby and she instructed me on things like feeding him, cleaning him, being very gentle with him, and other things.

I'm kind of nervous about all the things that I have to do and take care of, but I'm hoping I'm a good mom and everything will be alright.

Miles comes back and he holds the baby, I tell him that he has to take the vest off and let his son rest skin to skin with him, without all those human things Miles looks more like someone from the clan.

My armband is still on his wrist, and his collar is around my neck. Both make us be with each other all the time.

I love watching him with our son, he's too gentle, and his eyes constantly look at him like he still can't believe this is real, pure love and admiration adorn his face.

I take my time to sort out some type of nook so Miles and I can rest there and be with the baby and we settle on taking a walk around the beach in a while.

I strap the baby around me how I was taught and Miles takes my hand, this is different from our last home, it's weird seeing this distribution and how everyone is not quite... themselves but, we are alive, we are here and that's what matters.

At this time most people are out fishing so it's calm, I notice Jake and Neytiri from afar, the kids are nowhere to be seen and that suddenly reminds me of someone else we haven't seen.

"Miles..." I say and stop walking.

I turn around and try to find my cousins, maybe just the young kids, but no. He's not here.