DELETED

dumb bitch

Alya
I don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel like a terrible person.

Here I have the girl I've wanted for so long but I almost kissed my best friend.

It would be cheating. I knew that.

But I still wanted to do that.

And I hate myself for it.

After Marinette left, I confided in Trixx as I normally do. Even though she's basically an insect, she sure is one heck of a friend.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm dating Ladybug, fucking LADYBUG and I want to kiss Marinette," I rant to Trixx, walking back and forth.

"Why did you want to kiss her? You've never liked her?" Trixx asks me.

I pause in my walk. A wave of shear panic comes over me.

If I wanted to kiss her, that could only mean one thing.

I liked Marinette too.

"Holy shit, I'm so fucked," I whisper, rubbing my temples.

"Yeah, you are," Trixx laughs.

I glare at her, shutting her up pretty quick.

"What the hell do I do? I can't date her when I have feelings for someone else...but I REALLY like Ladybug? God, I hate being a lesbian," I complain, finally sitting down on my bed.

"My best advice, distance yourself from Marinette. You're dating the worlds most favourited super hero and you guys are cute together. Don't risk it," she shrugs, flying over to me.

"You're right. Marinette is my best friend but I can't do this to Ladybug. I finally got what I wanted and I'm not going to self sabotage," I sigh.

I don't want to distance from Marinette but Trixx was right. What I have with Ladybug is too good to risk. I had to stay away until my feelings disappear.

I look at my watch for the time.

7:41 PM.

My eyes widen and I stand up swiftly. "Shit, I'm late to patrol,"

I transform and come to the usual meeting spot, seeing Ladybug and Cat Noir talking.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late, long day. Did I miss anything good?" I ask, trying to act as normal as possible.

"Not really, there was a small akumatization down by the bridge but it was from a toddler who dropped her ice cream," Cat Noir shrugs.

I nod, keeping my eyes on Ladybug.

Guilt was eating me alive but I can't act any different.

I didn't kiss Marinette. Nothing changed, I didn't cheat.

"Everything okay, Rena?" Ladybug asks, walking up to me.

I smile gently, her big blue eyes comforting me. "Yeah, it's just been a weird day," I chuckle awkwardly.

She chuckles back and we walk together in sync.

"Let's go finish our patrols and meet back in 30 minutes?" Cat Noir questions, ready to leap out of sight.

"Just like every night Cat Noir," Ladybug sasses with a tone of sarcasm.

Cat Noir rolls his eyes and laughs as he leaps away.

I just about leave but Ladybug puts her hand on my shoulder before I can. "Do you want to talk about it?" Ladybug asks quietly.

I stay quiet for a minute, thinking about hours earlier. "That's okay, I'll be okay, thank you though," I smile.

She smiles back and jumps away.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

•••

"Jesus, it's been so quiet these past few weeks. Kind of scares me," Cat Noir states, sitting down next to me.

"I know, scares me too," Ladybug adds, swinging her feet.

The 3 of us sit quietly and watch the night sky.

"I should be heading out, see you guys tomorrow!" Ladybug says, waving to us both.

That's weird, she usually waits for Cat Noir to leave so we can talk.

"Hey, you okay Rena?" Cat Noir asks, lifting one of his legs up onto his lap.

I sigh. I know I can trust Cat Noir. "I almost made a terrible mistake today," I admit, not even looking at him.

He chuckles lightly. "Been there. What happened? If you feel comfortable telling me of course," he nods at me.

"Let's just say I was fucking stupid," I face palm.

"I get that. Is it about you and Ladybug?" he asks calmly.

I'm immediately taken back. "What? What do you mean?" I ask innocently.

"Dude, I'm not an idiot. I know you guys are dating," he scuffs, looking back out into the night.

"Did she tell you?" I asks him, my body language becoming more intense.

"No but come on, you guys are so obvious. You're always together after I leave and I see pictures people post of you guys in the night wayyyy after patrol," he admits, not even phased.

"Oh shit, I didn't realize it was that obvious," I laugh.

"I'm happy for you guys. She seems really happy and so do you," he smiles at me, nudging me.

"Thanks dude, I am happy," I repeat.

We sit in silence again.

"Well, I guess I should go. See you tomorrow for patrol!" He says, waving back at me.

I wave, then immediately turn back to the view in front of me.

Please don't let me fuck this up with her.