ɮɨӄɛʀ ɮօʏ (s̷t̷a̷l̷k̷e̷r̷ a̷l̷e̷r̷t̷)

❇Chapter 29❇

👩‍🏫 No this isn't the end...

I wanted Austin to kiss me but it never happened. I was stalked by the guy for 2 years and I wanted a lot of things but I stopped myself cause I didn't trust myself in such a situation. I liked a guy. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to make my boundaries clear? I couldn't even talk on a stage and let's not forget the anxiety that tended to creep up on me.

My legs always felt weak when I was in his presence and the fact that I stood in itself, was a miracle. I was timid and shy. I was a mess. A complete disaster of hormones and my desires and the things I thought of I wanted to just lock up and throw away the key so I closed myself up to all, it wasn't just him. I just didn't want to change into whatever every teen turns into when going into adolescents and discovering chemistry.

I needed to focus on other things like what I was going to study in Grade 10 or what I wanted to study after matric so a guy was the last thing on my list. I'm sorry but as much as I was in puppy love with some guys, they just weren't my focus. They weren't a priority. Sorry guys who had a thing for me... obviously this is only to the guys I was attracted to. You know, the ones who liked me who I liked back but was too shy to make any sort of move or interaction cause of fear of rejection even though they liked my dumbass back. Yeah those guys and not the ones who liked me who I was not attracted to.

Sorry I'm picky, it's just I don't take the first person who makes a gesture of love to me just cause they made a gesture of love to me. If I'm not attracted to you then I'm just not. I find this really ironic being that I feared rejection but was pro reject the other way around. Guess I'm a walking contradiction? Oh well... At least I'm self aware... bad joke.

Austin made a couple of attempts to talk to me in the 2 years I was being "pursued" by him, well it's more subtle than to emphasize "stalked." His first attempt was waving at me while I was clipping up my hair in a moving car since my mom was driving me to school but we know this cause I wrote about this before. Second attempt was when I pulled a muscle in my leg and was supposed to show up to school in crutches but refused to and chose to limp with it wrapped tightly in a bandage.

You know how hard it is to walk on crutches? It's even harder than to limp and to use them to go up the stairs of my school when I needed to change classes would be a nightmare. This I forgot to mention, that reminds me, I have to add it to my list of injuries I got. The swollen muscle completely slipped my mind.

His attempt to converse with me took place as I was leaving the gates of the school and limping in the crowd. He said "what happened to your leg?" I looked at him through the sea of people as I was making my way out of the gates. I was going to say something but I forgot it instantly and the words that wanted to slip out of my mouth decided to make the last minute decision of retreating. I felt like a beach with clear water just leaving him hanging like that. I wish I wasn't like this >.< and so I left him without any form of a response which probably made him think I wasn't interested or completely ignoring him but I didn't mean to.

I ended up running slash limping to my mom's car. I felt so bad for not giving him a kind response but anxiety was eating me up to the very core of my existence.

There was also a time when I wanted to get up the stairs to the office of the school faster so I skipped a few steps thinking it would be easier but ended up missing one entirely and slipping down the stairs. I was facing the stairs while my body went down and it was rather bumpy and I'm pretty sure Austin saw cause he was at the bottom and was laughing softly (can one laugh softly? Idk) but he was. I managed to get up without anyone else seeing, luckily, other than him of course. Thank God I didn't get hurt falling down.

I dusted myself off and just pretended like nothing happened whilst attempting to go back up the stairs before anyone else saw. When people walked passed afterwards, he too pretended like nothing had happened but I'm pretty sure if no one had to appear after, he would have said something about the fact that I fell. He was snickering after all. I found it amazing how quickly he could hide that.

The third attempt was, you not gonna believe this but... in my bathroom at home. I know, I know this sounds "creepy" but it's not as bad as it sounds. So I was making jokes with my mom in the bathroom and then she teased me and said after "I'm just pulling your leg" (which is just a figure of speech for teasing by the way) and we just randomly heard a guy's voice say "who's pulling who's leg?"

When I went to the kitchen and looked outside to see who the heck it was I saw him skateboarding passed our house. We were pretty loud and the bathroom echos so I wouldn't be surprised if he heard the whole conversation but it's really our fault for not talking more softer so I can't exactly blame him or say he is a total creep cause well, we were pretty loud. I think he might have, a tiny bit, heard me talk about him too back then cause I often spoke to my mom about my crushes. Yes I spoke to my mom, okay? She was okay with it. I mean, I wasn't going out with anyone anyway and these were just guys I was attracted to.

And well, that was his 3 attempts at trying to talk to me... well, guess we should be moving on to the next chapter...

To be continued...