Loving America

3

"Normality is a paved road: 

it's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow"

- Vincent Van Gogh

I could hear footsteps behind me as I stood, leaning on the balcony outside. The streets were well-lit, but the city beyond could be seen clearly, despite the light. "You shake." The voice behind me surprised me, making me jump a little.

I looked back to see Natasha, and frowned, hesitating. "What do you mean?"

"Your hands. They shake," She added, "Sorry I couldn't help but notice." She smiled faintly.

I nodded, pausing. "I do. It's an old habit." I excused, clutching my hands together in front of me. I turned back to the railing as she approached.

She nodded. "Well, we all have them." Her red hair brushed over one shoulder as she looked out at the city. I could feel there was a deeper meaning to her words, a heavier conversation that could've come with it. But she chose to change the subject instead.

"So what was it like growing up with Stark?" "It was...interesting." I laughed, glancing at her. "Lots of pranks." The memories were warm, comforting, and it made me laugh. "You know Tony and his inventions....well, as a kid they made for a lot of pranks and a lot of jokes. It was all goodhearted, though." I shrugged.

"He used to let me help, in the lab." I added. "So sometimes I liked to mismatch wires or misplace a piece or two to get him back." We both laughed at that one. "I was there when his parents died. I was young, but I was there." My chest sank a little, and I felt my smile fall.

"He was angry with himself for years. Angry because he didn't get to say good bye. Angry even more that he didn't take the chance." I looked away from my hands, up at the city. I could hear sirens far off in the distance, a helicopter moving over the city.

Natasha nodded, listening. "And yours?" She asked softly, almost as if she was aware that she was touching a sensitive topic. "It's complicated...." I hesitated before speaking, not sure if I wanted to talk about it. "It's okay if you don't. Things don't always heal with time." She spoke like she could guess my thoughts. "It's just.......it's complicated." I tried to explain but just ended up repeating myself. "Tony and Pepper know... but that's about it."

"I'm sorry," Natasha looked at me as she stepped away from the railing. "For prying." She added.

"It's okay. Wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think I should." I shrugged. "I trust you not to tell anyone." I added, frowning. She swallowed, glancing out at the city for a moment. "I more than anyone get what it's like to have a difficult past, I wouldn't." She nodded, "Want to come back inside?"

I inhaled, noticing that it felt like a weight had been removed from my chest. "Yeah, sure," I smiled gratefully, following her back down the hallway. Rubbing the chills from my arms, I was grateful the venue was warm. Tony kept the lab cold, and most of his buildings, as he usually kept warm when he was working, moving around.

When we came back inside, some people had left, but the main group was sitting on some couches. "Romanoff, Ahearn, come join us. We're playing charadesss." Tony dragged out the words in his sarcastic tone, giving a playful grin. I laughed, "I'm sure you're loving that." My voice reflected his sarcasm, knowing Tony would quickly get exasperated when he couldn't understand what someone was demonstrating or vice versa.

As we approached, I quickly noticed that only two spots were left on the couch, and that was with some people sitting on the floor leaning against the couches. One, left by Dr. Banner, which Natasha quickly occupied. Leaving me the last spot.... between the arm of the couch and Steve Rogers. Something in her eyes as she sat down told me that was no accident.. and she'd seen our interaction earlier.