January Blues

2: The Lake

Trigger Warning ⚠️: this story might include sensitive topics that might be triggering to some readers.

Hello, belated happy new year to all wherever you are!

_

It was already twelve noon when I woke up the next day. I haven't slept this long for quite some time now and it honestly felt refreshing.

I got up and slowly walk to my bathroom. Fuck, I looked so messy and disheveled. My hair was all over the place it looks like a nest. My makeup was messy as well like all of it mixed up together in my face. My lipstick was all over my cheeks now and my mascara was on my cheeks as well, all from crying. I frustratedly took a paper towel and soaked it in a micellar water i bought from the beauty store and then i used it to removed all of my make up. I bet some of it got into my mattress and blanket last night when i was sleeping. Ugh! More cleaning later.

I washed my face and went straight to shower. I felt so sticky and dirty that showering right after waking up is the best idea to ever come up in my brain. After that, i just picked a simple outfit that can last me the whole day. I have no plans for today anyway. I'll probably just walk around the city or somewhere where there is peace and quiet. Like the forest, probably.

I headed to my kitchen after dressing up and let my hair be wet. I don't feel like blow drying it up today, anyway. I just cook some eggs and toasted some bread for breakfast. It wasn't my usual, but i feel tired just thinking about cooking fried rice.

I put on Netflix and started eating. Starting from yesterday, i felt so tired and soar. Like all the things I've wanted to do sounds exhausting now. I don't even want to get out of bed if it wasn't for that fact that i can feel so sticky and dirty. I don't know what's happening but it felt like deja vu.

Relapsing isn't part of my schedule right now. But for some reason, i could feel it squeezing itself to be on the list.

My phone rang and I immediately looked at it. It was my cousin Julina. Not someone I would like to talk to right now but I guess I got to answer it.

"What do you want?" Was the first thing I said after answering her call. Not very polite but she was never polite to me either.

["Very nice of you. Hi to you too"] I could feel her smirk over the phone.

"Yeah, whatever. Just tell me what you want"

["Any plans for today? I heard from auntie that you had a breakdown last night. What a great start to a new year, isn't it?"]

Julina was the last person I've ever wanna talk to. If the world exploded and me and Julina was the last people in the world, i would still refuse to communicate or interact with her. She was ruthless and just a total asshole.

["C'mon, Annalize. If you don't have any plans for today, let's go to your family's grave today"] Julina said it so cheerfully, Annalize just want to smack her right on her face and brake her nose.

"Yeah? Well, i have lots of stuff to do today so i don't think i could come. Enjoy talking shit about me to my family, though." And Annalize hangs up.

I threw my phone on the couch and went to my room to get my sling bag. I'm gonna get going now before my mood sours. I took everything i needed and stuffed them inside my sling bag. It wasn't a small sling bag, don't worry. I stuffed my lip gloss, my face powder, a small bottle version of my perfume, some nose inhalers incase i decided to cry my heart out again and my nose gets stuffy, my earbuds, my charger (just incase, okay? don't judge me), and then my phone. They all fit inside, no worries.

I turned off the tv and and fan before i walked out of my apartment front door, locked it, and then walked to the elevator. I pressed the button that will lead me to the ground floor (the parking space of the building), and the elevator's door closed.

Only took me a minute or two when the elevator stopped, its doors opening, and i got out of it to walk to my car.

When i found it, i immediately opened it, got inside and started it. I drive out of the parking lot and the illuminating, bright light of the sun almost blinded me but i, for some reason, did not stop driving even though my eyes were practically shut closed so tightly i might squish my eyes out into pieces. Luckily, i didn't bump into anything and the road was almost empty.

I drove for hours and hours to get to the southern and forestry part of the city and stopped when i got to the bottom of a particular hill. I have to walk up and down the hill to get to the actual forest and the river inside it that connects to a lake.

The lake where i have so many good but sad memories of.

So i started walking. I trekked up the hill, took a mini break with the food i bought on the way, and started trekking downhill again to enter the forest.

It's kind of dark once you got inside. Trees were all over the place. It was very cool and chilly inside and i was thankful that i wore a jacket with my outfit. Everywhere you look, trees are the only things you could see and leaves that fall on the ground together with small branches, crunched under my feet every time i took a step.

It took me another 30 minutes to get to the river and followed its stream to get to the lake. The water was clear, you could see the rocks underneath the water and the small fishes swimming through the waves. The lake was clear as well, a little green because of the water plants that grew in it and around it. It was such a great view and i almost didn't want to go back to the boring and populated city where i came from.

Though, this brings back so much memories to me. I sat on a big rock near the edge of the lake and started to admire the scenery in front of me. It was so beautiful, i started crying. I missed everything that has happened here and all the memories I've collected from being in this place.

Back when my whole family was alive, we used to love camping. We would camp a lot to different places and forest around the country and it was like our mini bonding time. Our old house was close to this forest and so we would camp a lot in this area. We would go to the grocery store just a few blocks for our house, buy lots and lots of snacks and food and ingredients that can be cooked later while we camp. It was one of the highlights of our camping trips. It was also the times when we could eat anything we want, especially unhealthy ones, so it was definitely a highlight. Then after that, we would pack our bags and go camping in here. We would spend 3-5 days camping out here. Sometimes, longer than that because our house was just a 30 minute drive away so why not be here longer than necessary?

We would build a bonfire and sit around it singing songs, telling stories (most specially scary ones), eating our snacks, sharing funny stuff, and a lot more. We would also try to catch fish. Though it wasn't very common for big fishes to be at the lake, we would still manage to catch a few and we would celebrate it a lot.

It was fun times. Different every time we go here. It made my chest feel so tight and i just started crying so hard it was almost so hard to breathe. I massage my chest to calm it down though, it doesn't seems to be helping. I just cried and cried and cried. No one would be there to hear me so i let it all out.

Minutes past and i started to calm down. I wiped my tears away and stands up. I have one more place to go before i go back.

It'll probably break me but i need to go. I have to see our home again.

So after staying there at the lake for a few more minutes, i started walking back to my car. I opened it, started the car, and drove away.

I'm going back home.