This Is My Story

Sleepover

I felt like I was the odd one out in the four group, I wanted to be with them but it was obvious that they were closer to each other than me, I felt confused, evry group activity I always felt the odd one out, when in pe there was groups of 4, they sometimes even forgot I was part of them.

I felt more alone in crowds than all by myself

I soon realised that this wasn't healthy as I was getting upset when they hanged out with eachother as I diddnt know how to react, they had the funny one, they had the tall one, and they had the other one and that left me, The odd one out.

People could notice I was the odd one out you could tell by the way they looked at us, they were fine and they did no harm but I was quite polite I tho8ght and I set up rules for this to make sure it hadn't had happend to me, so I wouldn't get upset, but all that came crashing down when I was invited,

To a sleepover.

I should have listened to my conscience as it screamed at me decline,but I accepted. I listened to Lola, tallking about how she wanted to break up with her boyfriend as I was thinking about it as I knew I was being a bad girl friend but I diddnt mean too, I knew it was my fault but I couldn't explain to him, i told him about my SA and I don't think he realised the affect that has happend and our relationship that I was implying but i hopefully thought he could understand as this wasn't some normal girlfriend, it was a person who couldn't put labels on themselves as a girlfriend because I diddnt know what it meant at all, as I hugged and talked with emilio, I tried to stay far away from him as I could tell it was hurting him and he was confused.

I diddnt want him to get attached to me,

But it was too late.

I was mentally fucked up, even before the sleepover. When we said Good byes he seemed pissed and upset as I understood his reasoning , I wouldve gotten pissed if he did that too me but he diddnt get it.

I diddnt think anyone had realised the affects of Sa that caused me to change my behaviour and friendships randomly.

When I had my bad days I couldn't trust anyone, I was angry,hurt,confused, I felt numb and empty at the same.time but I couldn't cry too much as I soon would fear that the hallucination of the black creature would come out from my memories snd haunt me again. That truly terrified me.

Soon that memorie reasurfaced in a car with a full of my closest friends at that time.

As i soon felt memories flash through my head as I dug my nails into my palms as tears ran down my face as I looked at the two people next to me as they were all happy and free. While ii was sat, being tortured by memories. I felt my hands shaking as I covered my mouth, trying to not make a noise  as I looked around me. I budged up to the carsear as nuchal as u couod as I still was being pushed again, but soon that unleash another memorie as I bit my teeth hard, as my nails dag in my palms,.almost creating blood.

When leonir asked me if I was okay i had to wipe ny tears and smile at them, I couldn't let my sadness ruin  there night. Soon, I felt alone as they went upstairs, and I was faced with my haunting memories. I went upstairs with them as I felt them all on the bed as I had a small uncomfortable mattress to lie on as I tried to make use of the little inflation that it gave me.

I soon made my way to the bed as I hopped in, as they all shielded there phones away from me, as I was asking if everything was okay as they said yes but gave eachother side eyes. Evry time I spoke or tried to look what they said they just ignored it. I felt useless,

Screwed over.

I soon went to the bathroom, muffling my cries as I sobbed as i could hear the laughter and happiness radiated of the room when I left,