Bear Naked 4: The Sons of Garm

Chapter 1

Jay rose early. The fire had died down in the night and the cabin was cool, even though it was June and the weather would be warm once the sun rose.

Jay shrugged up on four feet and looked for a moment at Corey, laying next to him in otter form. How was it that he could tell Corey/Courtney's gender even when they were in animal form?

He shrugged the question off as he transformed back into human form and made his way, naked across the room. He pulled on a pair of silk pantaloons and a tight T shirt. Corey called it his Korra cosplay but Jay didn't care, it was a comfortable outfit.

He looked around Darren's cabin. Would it always be Darren's cabin, even now that Darren was gone? Probably. Jay couldn't imagine it ever being their cabin, even though he and Corey were staying here for now.

He headed to the bathroom, trying to avoid such thoughts. It was just for now, he hoped.

Then again he'd hoped that Corey and his father would make up when they got back to Iowa, too, and that hadn't happened. He woke up every day hoping that Darren would still be alive.

He used the restroom and then stared at himself in the mirror. So many people urged him to come out as transgender, declare himself female. Why couldn't he? Some of his online acquaintances even got mad about it, as though his personal struggle to define himself somehow took away from their own gender identity. Couldn't they just let him be?

Darren knew how to just let you be, to stay with you but not push. He shoved that thought down, tears threatened. Darren was dead.

He left Corey sleeping and stepped out on the porch, letting the cool air raise goosebumps on his back. He headed for woodpile. They didn't need the wood, he needed something to do. He yanked the axe out of the chopping block and placed a log on top of it.

He'd failed.

He took aim with the axe, pouring his rage and self hatred into the stroke. The log split and fell by the wayside.

The others called him a hero.

Another log split under his rage. Didn't they understand? He'd failed.

If he'd been stronger, braver, he could have done more than run to get the wolves. He could have freed Amanda and Brianna. Together they could have rescued Darren before...

Another log split, a splinter flying to the side, the log fracturing like his mood.

He was wrong and knew it. His brain told him, over and over, there was nothing more he could have done. If anything his quick action had saved Amanda and Brianna. But his heart kept saying that there must be a way he could have saved Darren, too.

He caught the glimpse of something in the cabin's window, Darren in bear form. When he looked it was gone. He stared anyway, letting his eyes go unfocused. And Darren was back.

I could have saved you, if only I'd been strong, a better warrior.

The bear shook his head, no.

"I could have!" he yelled. He broke off, tears flowing.

Amanda was coming up the drive as he yelled. She rushed and pulled him into a hug. She, too, glanced at the window. She, of all people, didn't have to ask what he'd seen, or what he was thinking.

"I could have saved him," Jay sobbed into Amanda's shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry, Jay. You couldn't. I couldn't either," Amanda said, stroking his hair while he cried.

Corey appeared briefly on the porch but didn't disturb them, instead he turned and went back inside. As soon as Jay had composed himself, they went up on the porch.