Macy's x Pop Tart x Pacman x Reader

Part One: [I have no idea how to title this]

My name is (Y/N). I have brown hair & green eyes, & skin that's the color of a ripe peach. I am a simple, everyday highschool boy. I live in a town called Lemoncurd. As the town welcome sign & narrator seem to put it, it's supposed to be a "charming town full of charming people, leading charming lives and eating charming food," but I don't think they're quite right.

Anyway, I have a crush on someone. Her name is Macy's. She is the single most beautiful building I have ever seen. Whenever I see her, I become incredibly flushed, which is quite the issue when my mother regularly shops there. She always asks, "Why the hell are blushing so much, you brat?" in a very mean tone.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my mother is abusive & my father is neglectful. I wonder how I managed to skip over such an important detail. Maybe it was because it wasn't important at all.

Also, I'm bi, as I also have a crush on two boys, too. They go to my school, Auradon Prep. They're names are PopTart & Pacman. They're both incredibly popular, particularly with the ladies. However, I know for a fact that one of them is gay. I heard him discussing it with his friend in the locker room a few weeks ago.

One day, while I was walking through Macy's' parking lot, I saw a green woman with a long chin & a purple scarf on a broomstick. It was Gruntilda, the arch-enemy of the Easter Bunny. She had just recently escaped juvie, & she was ready to cause some chaos.

So...

She turned Macy's into an anime girl!

I was completely distrought as Gruntilda flew away. However, I couldn't bring myself to go & speak to the incredibly confused & scared Macy's, as her massive melons gave me a hard-on & made my face redder than a clown nose. Speaking of which, a man wearing a really crappy cosplay of Art the Clown came over to me. He stared at me for a moment before giving me his baby teeth, then walking away.

I dropped the teeth on the ground & ran to a nearby bathroom. I went into one of the stalls & handled my boner. The entire stall was covered in white goop. I left it to the janitor, Harry Potter, to lick up, though.

When I came back to the parking lot, Pacman was there. He was making out with Macy's! Not only was he stealing my chance with Macy's, but Macy's was stealing my chance with Pacman!

I went home & cried on my bed as my mom yelled, "F*CK YOU, YOU LITTLE B*TCH!" I disliked this, so I punched her. She replied by raping me & feeding me dog sh*t for dinner. My dad didn't intervene at all. In fact, he hadn't spoken to me for the whole day. I ate my crap like a good little b*tch, then I went to bed.

I had a dream about church. This was particularly strange, as our town doesn't have a church & I had never heard about churches before. "Hi, I'm Rapunzel! It's so nice to meet you! My favorite color is fish & my favorite place is W! I'm just so quirky!" the girl sitting next to me said. Sitting in front of me were Bayonetta & Bob Ross. They were passionately having sex. I don't even know how I knew their names, as they don't live in this town & they never said it in the dream.

Suddenly, I was on a plane with Posiedon while playing The Sims 2. All of my Sims had just died. My Sims also happened to be Macy's, Pacman, & PopTart. Then, I woke up.