i am sorry, darling.

1.

the circle.

amaryllis pov;
"i heard that surana girl will be doing her harrowing tonight!!" one girl gossiped across the room. "isnt she the first enchanters star pupil? she probably wont even have to do it," another replied. their bitter comments made my blood boil, although i cannot do anything but walk past with a straight face. i never understood why so many people hated neria, she is a sweet girl and she only ever wants to help people. she gets self conscious about whether she is doing the right thing, and she couldnt hurt a fly.

i had already gone through my harrowing, it was terrifying. i wanted to help neria, give her tips on what she had to do, but i could not. it was forbidden.

3rd person;
amaryllis walked down the hallway, going to the library to find neria. during her attempt to find the elf girl, she heard the first enchanter speaking. "yes, i suppose making him tranquil will have to work. it is a shame, i truly like that jowan boy, but it is for the safety of all of us." was the only part she heard before her heart dropped to her stomach. she softly let out a sigh, before continuing down the steps. amaryllis didnt know what to do, whether to tell her dearest friend that his year long suspicions were correct, or to just leave it be. "mary!!" before she could even think, the elf girl was hugging her shoulders. "hello to you too, neria," amaryllis spoke. she softly giggled at how the person she was looking for, was always right behind her. "i hear you are going through the harrowing tonight, correct?" she asked. "apparently, jowan has been down since he found out. i think that hes upset both of will have gone through it before him, and he is the oldest," neria spoke, letting go of amaryllis as she walked next to her. " actually, about that, neria. i need to tell you something"

"the way you said that makes it sound like it will be something terrible,"
"well, personally, i think it is."
"oh maker, what is it?"
"i overheard irving, i believe theyre going to make jowan tranquil,"

neria gasped, as amaryllis looked over to her, she saw nerias eyes go from 'excited, yet mildly concerned' to 'terrified and filled with pity' within a second. "oh, poor jowan, we must tell him-" amaryllis cut her off immediately. "no. i must ask you to not mention it to him, i dont want him to be afraid and do something stupid," she stated. after that, both girls went quiet for a few moments, until reaching the library.

skip a few hours, back to amaryllis pov;
for a moment i felt like i forgot what i found out earlier. it was almost like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. neria, jowan, and i had formed a small triangle in the back of the library. neria and jowan had been picking at eachother for a while now. it was normal for them to ruthlessly insult eachother, they were like siblings in the most realistic was possible. they always wanted to rip the others throat out, but only they could pick on eachother. besides me, anyone else doing it was almost an instant death wish on their behalf.

"yeah well at least im going through my harrowing tonight, fuck you and your incapablity to magic correctly," neria spoke, giggling at herself as i just scribbled, listening to their insults. "rude, youre just sour because nobody wants you" he muttered back. "incorrect, apparently that templar cullen has wanted to bone her since day one. come up with something original" i spat, laughing as i saw jowan get extremely uncomfortable, and neria turn red.

our little 'lets bully friends' session was cut short, though, as irving approached. "neria surana?" he spoke calmly, "could you come with me? its time" he continued. i watched my friend nervously stand, as i whispered "you will be alright," to her. she smiled at me, as she left.
now it was just me and him. "so, um, do you remember that girl that i told you about a few months ago?" he spoke, trying to break the silence. my heart shattered as he mentioned her again. qhenever he would mention this mysterious woman it was always a reminder i will never have a chance.
"yes, why? has she come to her senses and finally left you?" i teased, fighting tears as i looked down. "no, she just.. told me something.. and i would like you to meet her, tomorrow, at noon, could you come to the chapel next to irvings office?" he said, smiling just by talking about her. it was never anything serious between me and him, the closest we got to a relationship was when we were 13 and 15. that was 5 years ago, and we were curious children. "yes, i suppose i could. will neria be there?" i asked as i pushed my thoughts back down my throat. "yes, actually, i need to talk to you guys about something together," he finished. he looked up at me, bevause i had been staring at him with sad, longing eyes. all he did in return was smile.

(yippee, 880 words i fucking hate writing. this would be a little longer but i dont want the first important part of the story to go by in like one part. hurrah, goodbye)