𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘

12|𝙵𝚁𝙴𝙴

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘
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𝐎𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓

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𝘼 𝘽𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙆 𝙒𝙊𝙈𝘼𝙉 𝙒𝙃𝙊 𝘼𝙋𝙋𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙊 be in her late 40s opened the door and greeted Janelle with a smile. Janelle analysed her looks, a silver grey silk press which reached all the way down to her shoulder blades, smooth cocoa brownskin and dark brown almond eyes.

Janelle stepped into the room and sat onto the chair raking her eyes around the therapy office, the book shelf, glass window overlooking downtown LA. "Janelle Asamoah is it?" Her smooth raspy voice spoke, it was obvious she wasn't from LA, it was more of a southern accent, Janelle narrowed it down to New Orleans.

"That's me, it's a pleasure to meet you." Janelle smiled. "Likewise, my name is Rasheeda, so according to the system, you booked yourself an appointment. We are already on a good path, acknowledgement of needing help and there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing help sometimes. This is a safe environment and space Janelle, whatever is spoken about in this room, stays here unless you'd like to share it with somebody."

Janelle nodded her head in understanding, and shifted in her seat. "So let's start with an introduction. Who are you?" Rasheeda asked.

"I am Janelle Asamoah, a fully qualified obestrician, and a woman of God." Janelle spoke. Rasheeda frowned a little, and wrote into her notebook.

"You may have seemed to misinterpret my question Janelle, who are you? Try and think outside the box, what makes you you and unique to others?" Rahseeda asked once again, her eyes raked over Janelle's body language, Janelle was hesitant and clearly uncomfortable.

"That's why I'm here. I don't know who I am." Janelle whispered shifting in her seat once again. "What else Janelle, why else are you here?"

"I have a problem of running from my problems instead of facing them in a healthy manner. I project my trauma onto those I love deeply." Janelle breathed in feeling the water works ready to happen.

"I'm proud of you. I hope you know that already, many people struggle to realise that they're in the wrong and are completely indenial about their toxic ways. Acknowledgement is a great first step. Now this won't be easy but may you tell me about a trauma you have endured?" Rasheeda asked writing in her notebook.

"Neglect. I was never daddy's little princess or a daddy's girl. So when a good guy attempts to show me affection or genuine feelings, I push them away." Janelle briefly spoke.

"And why is that? Elaborate."

"Because that's all I know! That's all I knew! I wanted to be fixed by someone who broke my heart in the first place! I was torn on holding onto that promise or accepting the reality that he wasn't able to deliver. I want to hate him but I can't, I-I just can't." Janelle broke down. Rasheeda displayed a sympathetic look onto her face.

"Janelle, hatred just isn't apart of your nature, I can tell you love hard and deep, you just cannot force yourself to become someone you're not. Let it all go, I want you to let it go. Tell me how you feel and let it all go." Rasheeda spoke.

"I can't, I just can't." Janelle shook her head playing with her fingers.

"Can't should not be in your vocabulary. With God by your side, you CAN and you WILL. What's your hideout spot?"

"Around 11 o'clock to midnight I go to the beach. Put my feet in the cold sand and just speak. I feel the Lord's prescence and just speak." Janelle shrugged.

"I want you to go to that place tonight, and I want you pray, or bring your somebody with you to let all your hurt go." Rasheeda assigned her.

"How do you know I have a somebody?" Janelle asked. "Everyone had somebody push them to come here, whether willingly or unwillingly." Janelle nodded her head and checked her watch realising they went overtime by an hour and forty-five.

"I will see you next week Janelle, and whilst your at it, try and learn the real you. Write down what you've learnt about yourself and bring it back to me. You can elaborate on how they make you feel if you want." Rasheeda smiled hugging Janelle before giving her a goodbye.

Janelle waved and walked out of the room with less weight on her shoulders.

❦︎

"So you called me here for what Janelle?" Janelle's father, Benjamin, asked as they walked on the beach. It was currently 2 in the morning and instead of calling Nehemiah, she decided to release her emotions onto the person who made her the way she was.

"I signed myself up for therapy, and I realised that you're the reason why I am attending now. I can't place all my blame onto you as I could've avoided the unhealthy way I went about things. I want to hate you so much but I just don't have it in my heart to do so." Janelle started. Benjamin stared at his daughter in shock but decided to allow her to proceed at talking.

"I still love you but why did you have to do it? Another daughter that you give the world to but how come I wasn't enough? I just wanted to let you know that I won't be much of a hassle in your life. I'm cutting all ties off with you, I can't be reminded of a life the Lord delivered me from. I love you but it's better I do it at a distance. Have a nice life, stay safe Benjamin." Janelle concluded walking away.

"Janelle you will need me eventually!" He yelled after her. Janelle shook her head at the tears falling down her face.

She felt free.

She finally felt free.