Embers of Sun and Flame: Before We Have It (Fuegoleon x OC)

Chapter 2 Forever and after

There was a knock on Fuegoleon's office door, but even without asking, he could tell who was on the other side. Even if he had been in a kind of trance before, his mind having been caught adrift in a sea of bureaucracy and thoughts swirling around the war, and international politics, in addition to trying to keep their own country afloat while still suffering the aftermath of the terrorist attack and the devil believers. It seemed, as if, the Kingdom of Clover couldn't catch its breath, not even a gasp, one lungful of fresh air, before a new conflict was upon them.

And it all made him tired. So, very, tired. Or so he knew, even if he had forgotten how it felt, to be full of energy; to be a young man without a care in the world. Though, he supposed, he had never really been without a care in the world. There had always been something, even if only in the back of his mind. He had had the responsibilities of royalty, if nothing else. But this, the way the world was lying at the time, in that day and age, it made his bones heavy and sluggish. Or that is how he deemed them. All he could do, was wish for better days to come. Perhaps, if the fates so allowed, the war would then bring a period of peace with it.

Maybe then he could breathe. Maybe then they could all breathe, and heal, try to move forward. And he longed for that future, even if he agreed that sometimes battle, and even war, was necessary, because not taking part would have meant tyrants, darkness... devils, pouring in and taking over... everything. Sometimes battle, was necessary. He did not like it. He did not like the idea of going to war, because, at the end of the day, he was a peaceful man. He was not a harmless man, but he was a peaceful man.

And this he hated. Having to make such plans. Having to make such preparations, when he wanted to make very different kinds of preparations.

Too many times he had glanced the rose gold piece of precious metal around his finger, and thought about how he wanted to plan for the future. But he had to plan for a future that existed before the future that he wanted.

There was a conversation that needed to be had; one that they should have had a while back already. But they hadn't. Why, he wasn't quite sure. But he suspected that it was a combination of letting her heal, trying to settle into being engaged, trying to work around forming an alliance, and trying to prepare for a war.

And it had only been a couple of months. Though it seemed... much less than that. So little time, and yet so much of it. But he had thought about it. If he wanted to get married before the war, in which he might die.

It was a possibility for which he had to prepare. He had made a will, like any responsible person in a position of authority, or a knight for that matter, would do. It had been just one check on the list of things to do, and quite frankly, it hadn't been difficult. It had been just another formal piece of documentation in addition to everything else. But... Getting married...

A part of him wanted it, craved for it, longed for the idea, even if it was foolish on the grounds of the idea of finally making her his, when he knew, he knew that she was already. He knew. But he also wanted. He wanted to marry her. Properly. Not in an event that was hastily wrapped together, slapped with a bow on top, but a proper wedding.

But it wasn't something he could give her. There wasn't time to organize it, nor could the kingdom really spare the means to do so at the moment. The labour and the manhours. And... there was something so... cruel, in the thought of marrying in a haste, only to die in the field of battle and leave her as the mourning widow. Though, on the other hand, if they weren't to be married before it, then he would leave her without the-, fulfilment of marriage. If that was something she would feel.

What is the role of marriage in their culture? I haven't really asked it from her, but it seems that she finds the idea pleasant. And her parents are married, as are all the noble families, as far as I know. So, marriage does have a place in their society. But does it bring a sense of... fulfilment? A sense of... completion, perhaps? Because engagement is only a middle step to getting married. And marriage... well, it can mean a lot of things to many people. For some it can be no different from a business deal, and some seem to think of it as a stabilizing agreement in a relationship. It can bring a sense of security, but it's not a quick fix to make a relationship into-