Embers of Sun and Flame: Before We Have It (Fuegoleon x OC)

Chapter 30 Victory isn't always sweet

Seconds had ticked away. Hours had ticked away. Time... itself was going by far too slowly. Especially now that Selena knew that she could have been there, by Nozel's side. Even if she understood his request, the near desperate tone in his voice when he has insisted that she'd return home to Thea.

She understood it. More than he'd ever believe to be real.

But. The fact stood, that it had been only her stress, that had caused a disruption in her cycle, which had resulted into this. That and irregular eating habits now that there had been days where the sheer worry of him, of Nozel, having to bear witness to the Devil that robbed him of his mother and set their entire family down a path she wouldn't wish on anyone, let alone him, were consuming her. The weight of worry that made food taste like ash in her mouth, even if she was sure that it was delicious. It had been delicious. Before this period of time.

There was guilt within her, the swaying and the turning sea of trouble, even if she had done as he had asked. And she had done so, because his request had made sense to her. Because of 'just in case'.

But now... those words they...

Or rather it wasn't those words that made the lump in her throat. It was what she'd have to tell Nozel. That she'd have to tell Nozel that she wasn't with child. Never had been. Not according to the tests conducted.

Though she had been terrified of the idea of being pregnant, now that it had been confirmed that she wasn't, she ... couldn't help but feel disappointment eating her.

But what made it worse was the quiet flicker she was sure she had seen in Nozel's eyes, even though he would never have admitted it. He wouldn't have, not at this time, this day, right before going to war with no guarantee of coming out alive, that he would admit to wishing to father a child.

Even if he did.

So, it was none other than the thought of her, snuffing out that flicker, that silent hope, that made the gut wrenching feeling much worse than she could have imagined. Despite the circumstances.

Despite... the circumstances, she did not want to pick up her CCE and dial Nozel's name, now that the word of the battle being over had reached her. The Queen announcing victory. At least for now, since the heart of Lucifero still hadn't been destroyed.

But that was another matter. Another worry.

One that could wait.

Because as she sat there, away from prying eyes of the public... and nobility, she could only stare at the surface of her CCE, about to dial his name. She lifted her thumb, but paused, as another horrid thought emerged. The thought of... not being sure if he would pick up.

The Queen had stated that the battle was over, but there was no word of who had survived, other than Lara. And even that had been mentioned in passing. Only in passing.

The thought... the fear of him not picking up, the hollow sound of the tone that would leave the device in her hand being the only sound she'd hear, after selecting his name; the idea haunted her. It sought to carve her still remaining whispers of comfort out of her chest, leaving her cold.

A cold crept up her spine, making her shiver, as if there was a serpent slithering up the length of her body, only to whisper the most horrid thoughts into her ear. The thoughts that she had ... that she should have been thinking about more.

She couldn't claim that she wouldn't have wished him goodbye. Because she had. She had told him that she loved him.

But... she hadn't thought that it would be a ... definite goodbye. Because how could she have left her farewells, thinking that it would be ... it. That it'd be the last time she could press her lips against his; the last time when she could brush his braid to the side, the tips of her fingers gracing over his skin with a feather light touch...