Tie My Heartstring's ❦

hazey

Katie

I don't like going out to eat with my Dad. He always picks these ridiculous fancy places. Tonight is no exception. I much prefer when he cooks for us at home. I take a deep breath and try to focus on my menu, pretending like I'm not dying of boredom on the inside. I want life to be like it was before my father became so guarded, without secrets, without distance.

"Liza," Dad says, breaking the silence before I can figure out what to order. "She's the new woman I'm seeing." I glance up quickly, not surprised. "Is she your girlfriend, or are you just casually dating her?" He laughs, "My girlfriend. She's coming with me on this trip." I swallow hard. "Woah dad, taking her with you? You must be really serious about her." Dad leans back in his seat, his hand running over his jaw. "What's she like then?" I ask, my voice careful. "She's smart, successful. Works in marketing and runs her team." So different from my mom.

"So, um..." I hesitate, unsure if I should go any further. "Does she know about Mom or me?" Dad's expression doesn't change, but his eyes flicker with something I can't quite place—annoyance, uncomfortableness I'm not sure. "Only you," he says after a pause, "We don't talk about your mom, Katie. She's in the past. Enough with the fifty questions." The words hit me harder than I expected. The 'she's in the past' part. It feels final like a door slamming shut. He looks down at his phone, typing away to somebody.

After a few minutes he looks back up at me. "How are you really, Katie?" For a moment, I smile wide. I have my dad's full attention. "I'm good." He nods. "No boys right?" Wow. "No, no boys. You'll be the first to know if there is, I promise." I take a deep breath and change the subject. The waiter arrives, and takes our drink orders briskly. Dad goes back to his phone, his face distant again.

The rest of the dinner passes in a haze of formalities. He talks about work—Hudson's new ideas, how the company's doing really well, how the clients are impressed. I sit there, nodding, listening, but feeling like I'm not a part of this conversation whatsoever. When the check comes, he picks it up without even asking if I'm ready. I am midway into my dessert when he pays and stands, already moving toward the door like it's the next item on a to-do list.

I stride after him, and we're back in his car. "I'm leaving for California tomorrow," he breaks the silence mid drive, his voice steady. "Yup, I know, Dad." He shrugs, his face impassive. "It's not a vacation, Katie. Just business. I need to be there to finalize some deals." I take an overly dramatic sigh, feigning my annoyance. He just doesn't get it. Talking about the stuff that's not important over and over again only infuriates me.

"Oh Katie, You'll be fine. I'm leaving Hudson in charge of you. He will be at the penthouse later this evening, he's got everything under control. And I'll be checking in with him regularly." Oh my god, it's only two days, is he delusional? He thinks I will miss him? I am over with him always treating me like a damn child. I can feel my chest tighten. Jesus, what about checking in with me? It was always Hudson this, Hudson that. Like I'm not even worth a second thought.

Instead, I look down at the floor, biting my lip, wondering if I should say something else. "I'll be back before you know it. You'll be fine. Just be a good girl while I'm gone, alright?" He mutters as we park in front of the penthouse. His words hang in the air as he heads for the door, leaving me sitting here, still processing everything.

When I follow him inside, I go to ask if he wants to watch a movie or something. I hear him slam the office door shut. So much for spending time together before he leaves. The silence that follows is heavy, a quiet reminder that things have always been this way. And will only continue to be, no matter how hard I try. I go upstairs to my room to do some homework, and distract myself.