Tie My Heartstring's ❦

haunt

Hudson

A few weeks pass, and we fall back into our routine. I have Katie, and life has gifted me this girl. For that reason alone, I never want to forget it. I've forgotten all the materialistic stuff. All I want is my sweet girl. I no longer walk on thin ice around her. I touch her at every opportunity I get, letting her know how much she means to me.

Every gesture, no matter how small, feels like a way to show my affection and dedication to her. It's sweet, it's real. She saw the dark parts of me, she stayed. Yet now and again, paranoia invades my brain, like an unwelcome shadow creeping into my thoughts. I don't understand why it plagues me. It pains me to think that I might have truly screwed everything up with my small, careless mistakes.

But no, I've been honest with her. I even told her about Maggie, my past relationship, and she accepted me without hesitation. Maggie did disappear, and she did cheat on me. That is the truth. What I failed to mention to Katie is how she disappeared. The matter of fact is, that I had fallen in love with a lie. Maggie was a lie I created in my head, to be what I wanted.

I still think about her often. I remember the day she told me she needed space, and how my heart sank as her words hung in the air between us. I could sense she was struggling to love me the way I loved her. In the end, it was clear. That she didn't love me the way I needed to be loved. She proved me wrong when I caught her in the act of sleeping with her boss. After I gave her everything. Every ounce of my attention and loyalty. All put into a lying slut, who had the nerve to tell me I was the crazy one. She was fucking crazy.

I had tried to confront her. She was so crazy, when I tried to calm her down she attacked me. So we fought and it got nasty. I ended up pushing her too hard. She slipped, hitting her head hard against the table. And well... I really don't want to relive what happened next. Not that I regret it, it was a long time coming. I know it wasn't wrong for her to go like she was nothing. A piece of trash, because she was. I had to make up some bullshit story to her friends about her disappearance. It was good she didn't have any family to be on my back. Except, her best friend Sofia.  That bitch is still a pain in my ass to this day. But it was what I had to do.

Fuck my brain is playing tricks on me. I'm not a killer, It's a matter of legal fact. I didn't kill Maggie and I didn't kill my parents. I've learned my lesson. When people bring out the worst in me, I run. Maggie could have run—I was no good for her, she wasn't mature enough for love—but she stayed, like the self- destructive female in a horror movie that she was. And I was no better. I should have cut the cord with her the day I met her. My past is just taunting me.

Katie sleeps over my place more often now, especially since we've gotten closer. Today she wakes up shortly after me, joining me in the kitchen. "Morning," she chirps, that sweet smile lighting up the room. "Morning, baby," I reply, unable to suppress a smile of my own. "You slept forever."

"I told you I could sleep all day if I want to." I laugh, I believe it. She turns, going over to open the fridge. I sit there with my hands on my chin, watching her intently. She grabs some milk before turning around, staring back at me. "How many people have confessed their love to you?" She ponders. I give her a tight smile, "I don't know." She smirks at me, "You don't have to be so blunt about it, Hudson. I bet you had all of the girls back in high school." A chuckle erupts from my mouth, and I shake my head in amusement. God, if only she knew. The one woman who ever confessed her love to me was Maggie.

I smile thinking back to the other night, when she told me how she loves me. I want to believe it. I ache to trust her fully. After being fucked over so many times by women, it's quite hard. But something about Katie tells me this time is different. It's real. She truly loves me. No matter the flaws and the ugly, she is here for it all. I need to believe it. "Come here," I say quietly. She sets her glass down, walking towards me. I grab her hand in my large, protective grasp. I look down to see her gazing up at me with those doe eyes. "Tell me, where is your family now?" She asks, biting her lower lip. She never asked me about my family before. "I don't want to talk about them." I mutter.