Tie My Heartstring's ❦

escape

Katie

It is sometime before sunrise when I slide out from under the blanket. Hudson is fast asleep, chest rising in a steady rhythm, lips parted like he's finally let himself relax. The days in this cabin seem to bleed into each other.

They are blurry in my mind, for whatever reason, probably repression. We sleep a lot. When I wake up, he wakes up. When he wants to fuck, we fuck. When he is hungry, we eat. When I have to pee, he pisses. We are attached at the hip.

I used to wake up with a day full of classes, constantly feeling overwhelmed. My survival has rested on the most basic acts here. Choosing to eat, sleep, bathe—everything is a delicate balance in this power struggle.
I hate it, It makes me feel weak. Like i'm going crazy.

I'm getting desperate to escape. I can't get any relief. I can imagine this is what prison is like. I shouldn't complain though. This is a luxury prison. I spend hours lying on the bed thinking about how to escape. Endless. The most unusual thing about him—how he loves me. Able to trust me again. He enjoys being hopelessly in love with me. I am smart to use that.

How frightened of dying I was in those first days. I don't want to die because I keep on thinking of the future. I'm desperately curious to know what life will bring to me. What will happen to me, how I'll develop, what I'll be in five years' time, in ten, in thirty. The man I will marry and the places I will live in and get to know. Children. It isn't just a selfish curiosity.

This is the worst possible time in history to die. Space-travel, science, the whole world waking up and stretching itself. A new age is beginning. I know it's dangerous. But it's wonderful to be alive in it. I love it, I adore my age. It gives me all the more will to fight. 

Today he isn't waking up right after me, he seems to be really deep in sleep. I stand over him for a moment. Surely, he will be fine with me slipping out for a walk. I deserve it. I will return, of course. My plan needs to be better than getting lost in the woods. I step into my shoes, slip on his oversized flannel, and open the cabin door. The forest is filled with silence.

I walk fast at first, following the narrow trail behind the house, Far enough from the cabin, I stop. I almost miss it—something near the edge of the lake looks strange. My gut twists as I walk closer toward it. I move closer, until it's visible what I am seeing. It's a large object washed up.

I stumble forward, my feet dragging through the damp grass, until I can make out a person. The air feels thick in my lungs. My mind refuses to believe what I'm seeing, but there's no mistaking it—this isn't a nightmare. I step even closer. That's a body.

A woman. The horror hits me like a physical blow. My stomach lurches as I recognize her immediately—Sofia. From Hudson's building. The girl who warned me. You idiot Katie! Now, her body is pale and lifeless. My breath catches, stuttering in my throat. I want to look away, but my legs refuse to move. Tears blur my vision as I step back, my legs weak beneath me. "No...Oh my god..." I didn't know Sofia well, but I knew enough. Why was she out here? What happened to her? Was it Hudson? Of course it fucking was!

I have no intentions of being his special pet any longer. He can pat me on the head a million times, but he only has to snap one time and I'll be dead. It will only be a matter of time before he kills me. I already know how it will probably happen, too. He'll fly into a rage over some little thing, or the urge will simply come over him, and he will strangle the life right out of me. Maybe he'll shed a tear or two over me, but I doubt it. Then I will be buried in the back yard, next to Maggie. Or left like food for animals, just like Sofia.

No fucking way am I going to let that happen. I have to take my chance. Somehow, I need to get out of here today. I can't let him know I found her, that I saw this. I turn away from the lake, my body moving instinctively as I stumble back from the horrific sight.