Vows of Misfortune

39.

I couldn't help myself.

For the past few days all I could think about was Romir. Romir. His face. His lips. His smile. Those eyes.

Stop it. My heart was supposed to belong to Varun...but now it was distracted. So what if we got along now? That didn't mean anything. We were acquaintances or friends or...I don't know.

We were getting along. That was it. Besides, he still had the photo of his ex in his wallet. I needed to stop reading into things. Reading into things was what got me into trouble all the time.

It was what got me into trouble with Varun in the first place.

And again, I didn't want to be a rebound. Maybe that was what Romir wanted. A plaything, a sex buddy because neither of us had someone. He probably just wanted his needs satisfied.

I sighed, staring at the bouquet of flowers I'd bought from my workplace. Stupidly, without thinking, I'd bought it on a whim to gift Romir. I didn't even know why.

"Why did I do this?" I mumbled to myself in the car. "What would I even say?" I pretended to hand it over in front of me. "Here you go, Romir, a bouquet for you because we're sort of friends now." My face fell. "So pathetic."

What was I, a child? I drove home, cursing myself the entire way. I shoved the flowers into a vase and kept them on the dining table. At least it would look like a pretty decoration and wouldn't go completely to waste.

I went to my room to get changed, still feeling like a loser that I'd even bought something for Romir of all people when I looked up and stumbled back.

"Crap, I'm so sorry." Romir was shirtless, his toned upper body covered in sweat and small white, healed scars. "I didn't know you were back early."

I swear I kept walking in on him changing all the time. I needed to stop making this a habit.

He glanced at me over his shoulder. "You've seen me like this before."

I didn't want the images of helping him bathe when he had that sprained wrist in my head.

I swallowed. "Is everything ok?"

"My leg hurt, so the boss gave me the day off." He studied me. "You okay?"

"Y-Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

I wanted to mention buying flowers for him, but standing there in front of him made me feel so small. He didn't care about me; just because we were talking didn't automatically mean we were friends. And to validate that, I bought flowers? He would think I was lame.

"Um, was lunch edible?" I'd made him lunch for the first time today because he wanted to try it rather than make his own food.

"Not until I heated it." I chuckled, the joke allowing my whole body to relax. "Now, turn around unless you want to be scarred."

At the mention of that word, my eyes dropped to the scars decorating his body again. When I looked up, Romir's face was dead serious as he watched me. I spun around. Way to be obvious, Arshia.

"Your scars..." I began, "where are they from?"

The ruffling of sheets and a low grunt came from behind me. Had I gone too far?

But then he spoke, "From people trying to defend their homes from thugs like me," he said, the words muffled as I heard him pulling something on. I froze at those cold words, rippled with so much guilt that it weighed me down as much as I knew it did him. "And rightly so."

"Did you ever...hurt innocent people?"

Romir didn't say anything for a long time. "I did what the gang wanted me to do. We didn't ask questions." He paused. "Those sins are what weigh down on me. The reason that I've never thrived."