branded (phantoms mc #2)

thirty-five: in which she accepts the losses with the wins

"Everything I do, I wear my noose like a necklace" –Billie Eilish, bellyache

********************************

On the fourth day after Crow's death, Camila contacted me.

I was in the kitchen, listless, unable to contribute to the conversation with Eve and Dana, but that was okay, because they could both talk enough for a small country. A breakfast of oatmeal and fruits had been set out by Eve, who was on a new health kick, and I had only managed a few spoons of oatmeal.

When my phone vibrated on the table and I saw that the number was blocked, my heart climbed into my throat. I left the kitchen and headed outside.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Catalina." Camila's voice was cool and steady in my ear.

I pressed my phone against my skin as if I could climb into it and be wherever she was. "God, it's good to hear your voice."

"It's good to hear yours, too," she returned, and the coolness had evaporated to give way to a breathy softness full of emotion. "How have you been?"

"I've been..." I let out an unnatural laugh, rubbing the back of my neck with a shaky hand. "He's dead, Cam. And he suffered."

There was a heavy silence that dragged for so long, I thought Camila had hung up on me. When her voice finally came, it was tentative.

"Are you sure?" she wanted to know.

"There's no doubt whatsoever."

I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the Cursed to show up at our doorstep, guns blazing, demanding blood for blood. For the police to stop by, spouting my Miranda rights; an unknown witness to my crime in the woods sequestered in a square room, making a damning statement. For this to have all been a fever dream – and Crow was still alive and kicking, plotting how he could obliterate our lives. Somehow discovering where my sister and her son were hiding.

That was the worst one. We'd agreed that Camila wouldn't let us know where she was exactly, but she'd let us know that it was a small, sleepy town somewhere. Everyone knew everyone, and it felt like a commune. She'd sounded pleased about that. Pleased about how welcoming everyone was. Pleased about how safe she instantly felt.

"Thank you for telling me," Camila said after a while.

"When are you coming back?"

I could feel Camila's stillness over the phone, and I knew that the blow was coming. "Cat..." Her voice trailed off. She let out a heavy sigh. "There are a lot of young moms here. Leo's made a ton of friends, and... God, Catalina. It's like he's a new kid in such a short space of time. His personality has really come out, and he laughs so much. So much." I could hear the smile in her voice. "And...well, I got a job. It's nothing special, but I like it. You remember I had that summer job working at the ice-cream parlor all those years ago? I work at the café in town, and there's a bookshop inside, too. Old folks stop by every day, and it's like I'm their favorite granddaughter, or something."

She sounded further and further away with every word she spoke. Her voice in my ear was like an echo now, so far away that I couldn't even tell where it came from. I collapsed onto the patio steps, hurting my tailbone.

"Catalina? Are you there?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. Scrubbed a hand down my face. Opened my eyes again and smiled a smile that I didn't feel at all, even though she couldn't see me. "I'm happy for you both. Really, Camila."