One Shots

Closure

This isn't love, never was. Yet for me, it's turned into nothing but ache and torture. Nevertheless, for the umpteenth time, I come to our spot yet again, the place where I first met him and his brown irises that made me forget reality, the spot where I believed I had a chance to do things differently. Standing here with all kinds of desires and fantasies of a world that he never left.

Sitting across from where it all began, where we first hugged, and kissed, and I started to believe we both wanted the same thing, that nothing would come between that, until a truth I failed to see but always felt deep within my core surfaced. I reminisce on our last conversation, a feeling I cannot describe but only relive. How could someone make me feel less and humiliate me this way?

Countless times, I have asked myself where he is and whether I should move on or hold on a little longer to this feeling. I wanted to let go of the pain yet needed it like air to survive. Has he thought about what he did to me? What kind of friendship could the future hold if he let go so easily? It's a relief he did because how toxic could someone be. I made one mistake, and our bubble burst and everything crumbled. I try to stop everything from falling apart, but it's futile.

The moment is past, and no matter how many times I revisit it, I can't change it. The only reason I go back was that it broke me to the point where I needed to relive the damage to do it differently, for my inner peace and my heart. Even though he didn't care, I still did a lot.

Have you ever wanted to heal something so bad that you'd travel back in time for a different outcome? I did, and no matter how many times I have, going back has been of no use to me because after a many number of times, I went back, it always ends the same.

Every moment revisited was like a plunge into my chest. Yet, I decided to go back one last time to close out this chapter because that's what he was always meant to be in it.

As I take in the night breeze, I start praying and close my eyes to wait for what started all this.

"Are you ready?" I look towards the angel that never gave me his name but would bring me back in time after I prayed to him every time I came here.

"Yes, but this is the last time I'm doing this." I could barely choke out.

"Agreed, remember only if you did it as it was originally intended is how you could change it." He said firmly.

"I don't want to change it at this point. I made a choice, and I have to stick with it. I just want this done with."

"As you wish. See you on the other side." He breathed as he disappeared and I went back.

Just one last hurt so I can say goodbye to my expectations. No going numb, no going with what happened, no just tweaking things here and there to alter too little or too much the future and fuck things up even earlier.

This time I will do it as I want. I will give it the final ending I selfishly wanted yet knew I deserved.

I close my eyes as I cross the veil, and I'm suddenly back in my car, back in time, in the same spot. I'd just brought a few things at the grocery store and waited to meet him. I talked to the same people from that day and then saw his car pull up from the distance.

I stand there aware that he is watching me, making me believe he didn't go to see my reaction from afar. I kept thinking to myself, enjoy this last time, get your closure with the situation, and be free of the memories that haunt me. I want to do this. No, I need to. For everyone who doesn't get the chance to revisit situations that hurt them to do them better, this is for you and me. No more wondering what could have been different. But acting on it.

I did everything differently. I didn't walk back to my car or get frustrated with his text. I just went to a corner to sit there alone. To wait for him. I knew he was there. And indeed, there he was.