Remind Me Of The Bad Times

Chapter 7: In The Back Of My Mind

Everyday, I started looking at Lexi. She seemed to stop focusing in class like she used too, she bought alcohol to lunch in a water bottle, she seemed very quiet suddenly, she's usually not like this! She used to talk so loud the whole room could hear here, but she also knew when to focus... and you know, she still followed law back then too. But now it seems she changed... for the worse. I understand that people change, but it supposed to be for the better. 

Lexi seemed to be throwing her life away, she has so much to live for! She has great parents, she's pretty, she's smart, and I know she's not destined to be worthless... nobody is. Why can't she see that anymore? She used to be so happy, and nobody can steal that, right? I have to convince her to go back, there has to be a way. I can't lose hope on her, she's my best friend. I understand that everything is... shit, but it can and will get better. 

I went over to her, but she just backed away. I looked her in the eye, and she was clearly in pain. It was actually painful to see, but the closer I get to her, the more it feels... hopeless. But I can't lose hope, not yet. I kept trying to comfort her, as that's all I know I can do. It felt like she was pushing us all away, but I kept trying. She was no longer the open book she used to be... what's with her? She used to tell me everything, bad or good, but now it seems like she won't even say "Hi" or "Not now, Charlie" to me. 

I decided to just leave her alone, but I have to confront her soon, I don't want to lose her. I decided to try to bring up the courage but it really just slowly felt like I wasn't there anymore. I eventually got her to talk but it wasn't great...

C: "Hey Lexi, can we talk? You're kinda... scaring me."

L: "...mhm."

C: "You... changed."

L: "Yeah... and? It's not like anybody really cares anymore."

C: "I do! You're throwing your life away!"

L: "My life was already thrown away, and I can't just get that back, so might as well just give up."

C: "Your life is still here, I mean look at you. Your pretty, smart, you got your friends and your family... and you can always get your life back even if you didn't have any of that."

L: "Charles, that's nothing. You guys don't understand, my family doesn't even like me, and what does smartness and being pretty do other then get me unwanted attention? I never asked or wanted to be the main focus, I just wanted to feel true happiness. I tried my whole life and it's just time to give in."

C: "We still got life ahead of us. If you continue this, you might put yourself in danger!"

L: "I really couldn't care anymore if I died."

C: "What about us? What about your family, your sister? What if they saw your dead body?"

L: "...You guys can move on, I'm not really worth mourning that long for."

C: "Lexi, nobody is worthless! Everybody has even a tiny patch of good... there may be no pure good, but there's no such thing as pure evil."

L: "There is pure evil, think about it. You just don't realize because you see things as always positive, but when you don't have a all positive mindset, you see the truth... the truth you don't want to believe."

C: "I would rather be oblivious then believe the full truth then, maybe I can help you stay positive."

L: "That's great Charlie, but I can't just switch it on... apparently my brain is "broken", and it can't be repaired."

C: "Plus what about my dad? He lived for this long but he's not really the most positive thinker."

L: "He just got used to it, or maybe it has gotten better for him."

C: "Then why won't it get better for you? You just hit rock bottom, so all we can go is up!"

L: "Charl... sometimes it doesn't get better. Sometimes it gets worse then you can't return. That in reality is actually what happens to most criminals. Think about your boyfriend's brother, Luke. He hit "rock bottom" a long time ago, and he's still there isn't he?"

C: " ..."

L: "You just don't want to accept that, don't you? I understand, you don't want to realize this world is worse then it seems. I'm truly sorry, but that's life. It's not fair and it's not balanced, it's just... life."