INFJs are bound to be highly perfectionistic. Not all of us are, but many of us are.
I'd like to clarify something: perfectionism isn't just obsessing over doing everything perfectly. It's believing everything has to be done perfectly or not at all.
Symptoms of perfectionism: People-pleasing, stress & anxiety, excessive advice-seeking, imposter syndrome, procrastination, low self-esteem, lack of satisfaction
Many INFJs have that all-or-nothing mentality and it seeps into almost every aspect of our life.
We are idealistic about relationships, whether they're family relationships, friendships, or romantic partners. We picture what the perfect relationship or friendship would be for us and then, sometimes without knowing it, we reject any relationship that doesn't live up to that vision.
We hold everyone to ridiculously high standards, especially ourselves. This starts at a very young age. Growing up with perfectionist beliefs, it becomes deeply ingrained into you. You just can't stop!
It can be good when it motivates us to do go above and beyond, but going above and beyond in every single thing is not realistic or sustainable. Eventually, dear INFJ, you will snap.
That's where the flip side will come in. We get burnt out and lose our drive to keep putting so much effort into everything.
Procrastination is a defense mechanism. We worry so much about things not being perfect, so we put it off. Then, we fall behind, scold ourselves, and feel terrible. It becomes an endless cycle of burnout, procrastination, and self-hate.
INFJs struggle to open up on good days. Bad days make us retreat to our inner worlds and build walls around ourselves. We self-isolate because we don't want to burden others and we also don't know how.
When it gets really bad, we do everything we can to distract ourselves from reality, diving into fantasy and our inner worlds. The problem is that problems don't disappear just because we ignore them. They grow, mutliply, and then bury us.
INFJs are funny, because we can know that something is bad for our mental health and do it anyway, even though we don't want to. That's how deeply ingrained perfectionism becomes.
As you might have suspected, I have personal experience with this. I won't pretend that I've found the secret to overcoming perfectionism. Ha! I'm far from it. I'd like to spread awareness though.
Just because I haven't fully accepted the words I'm about to say for myself doesn't mean that they aren't true.
Perfection is not attainable and that's okay. You are amazing the way you are, flaws and all. Imperfection can be incredibly beautiful.
Think of the Japanese philosophy, wabi-sabi.
"Wabi-sabi is all about embracing simplicity and imperfection in the world around us. It's about appreciating the beauty of everyday wear; honoring the spaces and objects that are lived in and worn with love."
- rethinkdesignstudio.com
Embrace your imperfection and remember that you're your harshest critic. Others don't see you don't way. Strive to be your own friend. Remember it will take time and effort. Baby steps. :-)
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