Sanity vs. Soulmate | JeongCheol x SVT

21

If this were some TV drama or a made up story, right now would be the perfect moment for an 'unexpected plot twist'. There would be some kind of great commotion after I told them Seungcheol's name and the main character, me, would be completely oblivious to what was going on. Later on I would find out that my friends had been his friends all along but I never knew and bla bla bla the end.

Gladly, or should I say sadly, this is just my life and not some story with a predestined happy end.
So when I said his name there was barely any reaction from the guys, just a bunch of empty stares and blank faces. Most of them even looked disappointed. But what did they expect? He's just one boy in a big city after all. Their chances of knowing him were slim to non existent from the beginning.
Not even all their social skills combined should be able to befriend all of Seoul's youth. There are tens of thousands of young adults living here! Knowing all of them would be impossible!

Or at least it should be. If I were to ever find out that they indeed managed to befriend all of Seoul's students... I don't even want to imagine what I would do then...
That would be so damn scary!! We're talking about THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HERE!!
But just in case I should start training my long-distance runs. Better safe than sorry.
Anyways...

After sending a small "nice name", "lovely" or "he sounds gay" in my direction, everyone started what seemed like heated discussions with their seat-mates about Cheol in general and my sudden hearing experience in particular. Just like that, no one was paying attention to me anyomore. I just sat there, staring at them and once again questioned my whole life. I was so confused.
One second they were ready to torture me if necessary in order to get more informations about Seungcheol and the next they couldn't care less about it and were too immersed in their own opinions on that topic to bother asking me anything at all? Someone understand those guys.
Maybe, just maybe, they didn't include me in their little conversations to give me some space, some time to rest and recover. But that was just a vague idea and might as well have been completely wrong.

I blinked to clear my mind and took a look around. Everyone was buzzing with energy and happiness and for the first time today I could just sit there and enjoy it. I didn't have to do anything. No further explanations, no apologies, no procrastinating, no plotting about running away. It was enough to just sit there and exist while being surrounded by those amazing guys, my friends. Because that's what they were. My friends. It felt good to think those words again. I had friends. A couple of energetic crackheads, but that was the best kind of friends anyways. The crazy ones.

So I just sat there, tightly wrapped in my blanket of silence, and watched them. But probably for the first time since I lost my hearing, it didn't feel like I was suffocated by the quietness. I didn't feel helpless or alone. In fact I enjoyed it.
It felt like I was watching one of those really old black and white silent movies or just any movie with the sounds or music turned off. I sometimes did that as a child. Watch a movie without sounds. There is something really strange and comedic about it, don't you think? A horror movie without background noises and music isn't really scary anymore and an emotional scene loses a lot of its dramatic potential.
When you think about it, my life had been like a silent movie for years now. Always watching, never hearing. But I've never noticed how hilarious it could be! The guys were all talking and waving their arms around while their mouths were opening and closing, but no sounds were heard. I had to surpress a grin at that sight. It's like watching fish. Seven fish and one tiger. I giggled. I think I finally made one step in the right direction. I'm coming to terms with being deaf. Really coming to terms with it, not just pretending. It felt nice.

With a smile on my lips I continued watching my fish. Even though they weren't talking to me they still used signs so it was fairly easy to follow their conversations. Some of their comments were so random and weird I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Oh it felt good. It felt so damn good.
With every passing second, every smile, every laugh, I felt my heart getting lighter and lighter. Maybe shutting everyone out really wasn't such a smart move after all.