Deja Vu (SatoGou)

Chapter 8

"What was he like, when he was at your school?" I asked Mallow. We were walking together, eating candy floss we'd bought from a stall nearby, wandering through the crowds. It was March, and still the peak of Ash and I's friendship, when we were inseparable. He'd taken me back to his hometown again, where there was a fair on, and his mom was coming back to pick us up later. Everyone else had wanted to go on a couple of rides that seemed terrifying, like one that climbed high into the air then plummeted down so fast I'd probably vomit, so Mallow and I had decided to wander around and look at some of the stalls while they did. I thought she looked like she wanted to go on too, but didn't want to leave me alone.

"An idiot," she answered, laughing. "But a good idiot. He's always been too nice." She frowned down into the grass, remembering something. "It got him into trouble, sometimes."

"What do you mean?" I asked. I didn't feel awkward being alone with Mallow at all. This was the effect that Ash had on me- he made me more sociable. He made me feel like I was actually likeable, and like people might actually want to talk to me.

"Ash was very popular at our school," she said. I had figured as much, but I'd never asked, and he'd never said. At our school, he was constantly being approached by people, and he always talked to anyone that did. It meant I had to watch him have awkward conversations with many girls. "Especially with girls. When we were at the age when everyone started wanting to get boyfriends and girlfriends and stuff, you know."

I nodded, even though I had never really experienced that. "Why is that a bad thing?"

"It's not, on its own. Ash was just... He was dense, and sometimes didn't realise how he seemed to other people. Like if a girl asked Ash on a date, or to a dance, or whatever, he'd say yes, and obviously they'd get the wrong impression. It did kind of seem like he was leading people on, but he didn't even realise he was doing it, and it hurt a few people's feelings when he inevitably turned them down in the end."

It takes a few moments for me to process what she's saying. Ash doesn't seem that dense now, but he does still seem that aloof. "And he turned everyone down?" I asked, not sure if I even wanted the answer.

"Yeah. There was a time when he even asked a girl named Anabel to a dance himself, not long before he moved away. She obviously thought this meant he had some interest in her, and she kissed him at the dance," she said. My heart twisted, picturing it in my head. "He let her, and it even kind of looked like he kissed her back, but then right after he told her he didn't like her that way, at all. I don't think he's heartless, but he's just... Well, he's just Ash. He'll get it one day, but for now I guess he's just a serial heartbreaker."

I didn't know at the time how much this would resonate with me in the future. I didn't take in her words properly, and process what they could mean for me. "Did you like him, too?"

"God no," she laughed. "I think Lillie may have, for a time. Not me, though. Do you have a girlfriend, Goh?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Hmm," she hummed. "I'm surprised."

I felt myself blush. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're super attractive, so I thought you would have." She looked at me, and must have seen the slightly panicked look on my face, and laughed loudly. "Don't worry, I'm not into guys."

"Oh," I said, laughing. For a moment, I was so at ease that I almost said "I am." I barely stopped myself. "I'm just not interested in anyone right now."

"Fair enough," she said. I heard shouting, and turned around to see Ash and Sophocles, waving, jogging to catch up with us. I felt my heart swell up at the sight of him, and the smile that always involuntarily crept up on me whenever he was close made an appearance again. In retrospect, I should have paid more attention to Mallow's words. Serial heartbreaker. He wasn't trying to be one, but that's what he was, I suppose. I know that it's just as much my fault that I ended up on that list, but I still feel sour about it, nonetheless.