Deja Vu (SatoGou)

Chapter 12

I start the assignment on Friday. I wasn't sure at first, but after letting the memories back in, I've decided that Ash is the perfect person to write about. I don't even care if the teacher picks up on my feelings for him. Everybody already knows that I'm gay, anyway.

At school, once Gary stuck up for me and everyone seemed to leave me alone, they seemed to flip, and suddenly everyone was so supportive. I suppose people do grow, and all around people are becoming more accepting. Gradually, over the years, I became more accepting of myself, too.

I told my parents at the end of the last school year. It wasn't planned, and I didn't have any kind of speech prepared for them. I didn't even know I was going to do it until I got home from school that day, and they were both home. It was rare they were ever both home when I got home from school. They both worked so much that it was rare their days off ever matched. They were sitting together on one sofa, so I sat on the other one, and looked over at them. "I'm gay," I said, straight-up.

"We know," was all they said back, smiling.

After eighteen years, I finally didn't see it as a big deal. Maybe if I'd been this accepting of myself three years ago, none of this would have happened. I write about that in the assignment, too. I add that nostalgia can make you look at things through rose-tinted glasses. It can make everything seem so much better than it was at the time. You crave going back to a time that seems perfect when really it's more complicated than that. I need to stop wasting time worrying about the past, and think more about the future, instead. Nostalgia is fun, but I don't want to get lost in it.

I drive down to the beach on Saturday. I got my licence a few months after Ash left, but I rarely have an excuse to drive anywhere, since I mostly stay inside. I don't like driving to school- I prefer the walk in the morning. It wakes me up.

Gary, Dawn and Chloe are already there. Gary is gathering wood for a fire, but I'm not convinced he'll manage to get it going. I walk down the beach towards them, hands stuck in my pockets. Dawn's face lights up when she sees me, but Chloe is looking down at the sand, frowning.

"Hey," Gary says, and reaches into a cooler to pass me a beer. It's cold, and I don't have any intention of drinking more than one, which is why I brought my car. I take it from him anyway, not wanting to bring the mood down, even though the energy levels are already pretty low.

"Everyone else should get here soon," he says. I freeze.

"Everyone else?"

"Yeah. Misty, Serena, Iris. Serena's new boyfriend."

"Serena has a new boyfriend?" I say. That's news to me. I guess I haven't really been keeping up. I worry Gary might feel sour about it, but he doesn't seem to care. He just shrugs.

"Yeah, some new kid. Moved here over the summer and they met in the coffee shop, I think. Not her type at all. Doesn't look anything like me," he scoffs. I know him better than to think he's jealous over Serena.

Serena's new boyfriend turns out to be a blonde, somewhat nerdy kid named Clemont. He's a little shy, and definitely introverted like me. I like him right away, but I don't see any resemblance between him and guys Serena seems to usually pick, like Gary said. Misty brings someone, too. She says he's not her boyfriend, but they sit flirting the whole night, and I swear Misty even blushes, a few times. His name is Ritchie, and while Gary didn't seem bothered about Clemont, he does seem bothered about Ritchie. He keeps glaring over at them when he thinks no one is looking. I wonder if I've missed out on some development.

Chloe is quiet for most of the night. Dawn keeps whispering to her, frowning back at her and nudging her like she's reminding her she's supposed to be happy. As the hours pass, Dawn's reminders seem to annoy her, until eventually she moves away from Dawn, and sits beside Iris the rest of the night instead.