Speechless

Friends

This is a story of what I believe those in a toxic friend group would go through, if you relate to this story my heart goes out to you. There are many people in the world but at the end of the day it's just you. Sending hugs to the person reading this <3

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There are times where I'm happy, but there are times where I just feel left out. I have many friends but I only trust very few, what is a best friend..and how can I earn one?

Best friends are known to be accepting, understanding, loving..and emotionally there for you. But what if I feel like they only do so cause they pity me?

I dislike pity, it makes me feel like I'm a baby who needs to be cared for. I like to talk things out more than: "I feel bad for you..everything's gonna be okay.."

I prefer having words of affirmation, it makes me feel secure and that everything will really be alright.

Some people play favourites, I'm one to sense energy very well. When you're friends with me and favourites are played there's a high chance I feel left out too.

I've never been someone's number one, or someone's favourite. It's always been impossible for me. I get replaced and we move on.

An extrovert with many friends can still feel lonely too :)

I want someone to call my own, someone who I can lean to without having a worry of being replaced. I'm not the best person, but I'm certainly not the worst.

The loneliness I can feel in a group of people is uncanny, what I display outside is usually never how I really feel deep down.

Almost soulless I'd say.

Who are the others really talking to? Is that me or just a figure of me?

I don't know.

No matter how long I've been friends with them..I'm always replaced. Am I boring? Am I worthless? Or am I just not enough.

Why am I the second choice? Do people only come to me when they need me? Have I lost all of my true self with people I call friends?

So many whys, so many questions; yet all are left unanswered.

Could it be hard for them to call me their best friend because I've got "many friends" ? Even so I take my time to take care of those I love but why can't they give that love back.

I don't need gifts, I don't need words of praise, I just want people who think that being mean isn't funny. I don't like being gone against, I don't even have a support system.

Why am I thrown around like a piece of garbage, and why is it so hard for some people to apologise to me?

When I point out how I feel, there's nothing but: "oh..whoops"

What the fuck?

APOLOGISE TO ME. ITS THREE FUCKING WORDS.

And to the rest don't egg them on. Don't follow their actions. It doesn't make me feel good. If I can't get the respect I want who are you to expect it from me?

Think about it. THINK.

My feelings matter as much as yours, I don't deserve this?