and if I asked you to name all the things you love, how long would it take you to name yourself
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ALORA'S POV
"Come on it's not even that deep." I said shrugging off Kelvin's comment. I liked how he still makes time to see me even though he's done with college. What I don't appreciate is how he picks on me each time.
"You're dressed like you haven't got a home with people that love you. Why's your shirt so big? And why are you wearing Crocs Lora?" he continued. I remained silent and continued my ice cream. I pondered for a bit before he snapped me out of my thoughts.
"You're not responding to me" he said.
"I just like big clothes. They make me feel safe and cover up my small tits."
"honey there's big and there's what you're wearing and I'm pretty sure this has got a lot more to do with your 'small tits' " he continued
I stared at him before proceeding, "I don't like my body. I look malnourished to some people. I'm tall and lanky too. I know you're going to say no one cares about that but they do. At least I think they do. It doesn't matter and it's not that deep." This conversation was about to become too deep for what seemed random.
"What's wrong with being skinny, and tall. I quite fancy tall girls, just look at Zendaya..." "Omg I love Zendaya.." I interrupted causing him to glare at me before continuing. "As I was saying, I like Zendaya. She isn't thick, she's just perfect the way she is. Now let me ask you, how would you rather look?"
Setting aside my now empty ice cream cup I responded, "like Megan thee stallion. That's how I want to be built so everyone would love me and my body. Only one person likes how I look. I have a pretty face, that's it. Sorry I'm talking too much now"
"No you're not talking too much ", he sighed, "for what it's worth, I think one person's love goes to a really long way. Now let's drop this depressing talk and talk about your ex boyfriend. What was his name...Seven..?"
I rolled my eyes and laughed, "Nine. It's Nine and we're not talking about one of my many foolish decisions. You should really get back to work and stop pestering me."
He teased a little longer before we left the store and bid me farewell. I may not have a lot, but at least I've got friends. My biggest fear is that they see me the way I see myself, and that can't happen.
I got back to my dorm half an hour later, as always I was the only one around. I took off my clothes and threw myself on my bed. I sketched for a while before picking up my phone. Nine. Who would have thought we'd ever break up, who would have thought he'd hate my guts today. He blocked me last month so I just text myself in his DMs most times, it keeps me busy. I just wish I didn't always have to mess things up. Everything bad that happens is all my fault. I lay there thinking for a while before I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek, and then another and before I knew it the only sound in the room was the sound of my muffled sobs. For how long do I have to do this , I don't want to be here anymore. Someone, anyone please save me.
A few hours later I woke up drenched in sweat and dried up tears. My head was banging too. I decided to call Kiki, ever since I finally moved to the med students dorm we've been really distant but that never stopped our friendship.
"Loraaa. I've missed youuu!! How've you been? Hope school isn't stressing you that much" she said. Before I could respond I felt a lump in my throat and it was hard to swallow. Shit, I was tearing up again and I began to sob helplessly.
"I'm tired Kiki, I'm tired, when does it all end" I said in between sobs. She was the first person I cried in front of so crying to her wasn't hard.
After I sobbed for a while she broke the silence with a sigh, "Lora, have you prayed?" There was a moment of silence, "No, I haven't. Will He listen to me?" I asked.
"Trust me He will. I'm going to come see you tomorrow and we'll have this conversation in person but for now get some rest. I love you Lora, you have no idea." I fell asleep shortly after, wondering what she could possibly need to say in person.
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We're making progress, I guess. Please comment on what you think. Share if you want too.
Love and Light.
P.S: sorry it's short.
YOU ARE READING
Alora
SpiritualIt's a story like any other. It's about finding purpose, a reason to live. She was slowly fading away from the world, the worst part is that she didn't even realize. She was tired and numb. Until one day... Her name was Alora , this is her story.
