𝗦𝗮 𝗠𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻 𝗟𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗴 || 𝗟𝘂𝘅𝗶𝗲𝗺

001 • meeting our lutang

shane v.

as an only child, growing up was kinda hard for me. ikaw lagi ang inaasahan sa bahay, lalo na sa school. my parents dreamt of me being the perfect child in our so called 'perfect family'. mga villegas nga naman.

my mom is a famous doctor, while my dad is a chemical engineer. sabi niya sakin na engineering daw kunin kong course, which i did para maging proud sila sakin.

but they only see my mistakes and not my achievements. it was and still is hard for me to study chemical engineering dahil hindi ko naman talaga ito pinangarap.

i dreamt of me being a tourist. i wanted to travel and see other countries. i wanted to study its cultures and beliefs.

im supposed to be studying for our upcoming exam this week pero i wanted to rest kaya i layed down on my bed.

nagising ang kaluluwa ko ng may biglang kumatok sa pinto.

shit, where's my reviewer?!

dali-dali akong tumayo at kunwari ay nagbabasa ng reviewer ko. alam niyo naman mommy ko, aral is life ika niya.

as soon as i sat down sa chair habang hawak ang reviewer ko, my mom entered the room.

"shane, what are you doing?" tanong sakin ng mommy.

kunwari naman na busy ako kakabasa sa reviewer ko pero ang totoo, di ko alam na may nagawa pala ako kahit papaano na reviewer.

"nagrereview po mom" sabi ko, bago tumingin sakanya.

"wash the dishes before reviewing, i want it clean pagbalik ko. i'll be attending a party baka bukas pa ako makabalik" utos niya sa akin.

tumango nalang ako at hindi umimik, alam ko naman na lagi akong mali sa paningin niya.

lahat nalang ng gawin ko mali para sakanya. it feels like hindi niya ako anak. i've seen here being careful around her patients, alam ko gawain yun ng doctor pero hindi ba dapat na mas maasikaso siya sa anak niya?

well, i did what was ordered of me. after non, kinuha ko ang phone and wallet ko bago ako lumabas at nagpahangin.

its currently 9pm, i headed to the nearest 7/11 i saw. nagutom ako bat ba.

while i was walking out the store, i saw a guy crying sa isang table sa labas ng 7/11.

i could tell na halos magkasing edad lang kami. as i was walking towards him, may nakita akong can ng beer na nakatumba sa gilid niya. he was drinking.

i was startled nang bigla siyang nagsalita as if kinakausap niya ko.

"i should've made a move earlier than him. siguro nagkachance pa ako nun" rinig ko sabi niya. is he broken? at sa labas pa talaga ng 7/11 uminom.

umupo ako sa harap niya. since wala naman akong makausap, mag-isa lang rin naman ako sa bahay, why not comfort a random guy na umiiyak?

"i guess he's much better than me noh? hindi naman siya magkakagusto dun kung hindi siya yung type niya. i was the one who surrendered para maging masaya sila"

"pero kahit anong gawin ko, ang sakit parin. i was there for her nung umiiyak siya but she still chose him. siguro nga dapat nakontento nalang ako na magkaibigan kami kahit papaano" rinig kong sabi niya sa sarili niya.

muntik na tuloy akong mapaluha sa sinabi niya kahit di naman ako broken. pawala na ng pawala ang iyak niya at pareho na kaming tulala.

"you deserve better" i blurted out of the blue. bigla siyang napatingin sakin at ngumiti.

my eyes widen, "then do i deserve you?" tanong niya. ganto bato kapag nalalasing? di ko nga alam kung drunk or sober tong taong to.

"shut up, wala akong sinabi"

i noticed his appearance. gwapo naman pala siya, hindi ko naman kasi makita yung mukha niya kanina dahil nakayuko siya.

"hindi ko alam kung gaano ka katagal ng umiiyak dito pero based sa narinig ko, if you can't have that person then just admire her from afar o di kaya move on. its hard to move on, alam ko pero its much harder if you're breaking yourself while fixing her.

i think, you should expand your options. find someone na kayang ibigay at ibalik ang lahat ng pagmamahal mo"

"its hard i know, just something i wanted to tell. baka lang gumaan pakiramdam mo" sabi ko bago tumayo sa kinauupuan ko.

napatayo din siya nung tumayo ako."ah wait!" tumaas kilay ko sa pagtawag niya, "what?"

"can i get your number? o di kaya name mo nalang" sabi niya.

binigay ko naman iyon at umalis na after. its now 9:49pm, grabe halos isang oras ako dun?

i went to my room, where i was greeted by my reviewers.

may exam pa nga pala

mas maganda mag-aral ngayong gabi, wala si mommy eh. hindi niya ko mapipilit na magpuyat na halos wala nang pumapasok sa utak ko kapag nagrereview.

i was studying peacefully until a  number texted me. without looking at it, pinatay ko lang iyon at nagpatuloy na magreview.

baka mamaya bumagsak pako kung uunahin ko yang nagtext nayan. pero kahit anong gawin kong concentration, naiisip ko parin kung sino ba yung nagtext sakin.

iniisip ko kung si mommy ba or yung lalaki sa 7/11. biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko.

sabi ko na eh..

"hello po?"

"why weren't you answering my texts? kanina pa ako nagtetext sayo shane. what are you even doing?" dada sakin ng mommy ko.

"sorry mom, i did the chores you told me.."

i heard a deep sigh from the other line, totoo naman ah. isa nga lang na chore ginawa ko.

"stop lying, i know where you went"

fuck, yung gps nga pala. bobo amp

"sorry mom" sabi ko baka sakaling bumaba kaso ko sakanya.

"its fine, review for your finals. siguraduhin mo lang na hindi ka babagsak shane villegas" sabi ng mom ko bago inend yung call.

nakahinga naman ako ng malalim dahil first time ko lang narinig yun kay mommy. lagi niya kasi akong bunubungangaan kapag hindi ako nakakasagot sa mga text at calls niya agad agad.

minsan, i'd rather want my mom na lasing kapag umuuwi. akala mong anghel eh.

continuing to review for my exams, mas lalo akong ginanahan sa sinabi ng mom ko. i stopped reviewing when i saw that its already 11:38pm.

my eyes were getting heavier until it completely shut. hindi ko napansin na may nagtext nanaman pala sa akin.