Chances and Happiness

Will I Be Enough?

Noeul keyed in the code to his pad and got in, Boss trailing behind him. The latter trying his hardest not to spill the containers of food his mom packed for Noeul.

Boss went straight to the kitchen and arranged the food containers in the fridge. He saw Noeul sprawled on the couch, obviously tired.

"Baby, go take a bath so that you can go to bed," he said as he sat beside the man he loves.

"So much for your alarm," Noeul said teasingly. "If your sister didn't knock on your door, we would have slept even after 7pm," he said, playfully slapping Boss's thigh.

"It's been a while since I've slept that peacefully. Maybe because I have my baby beside me," Boss answered, pulling Noeul into a tight hug.

They both smiled remembering how they woke up to loud knocks, with Boss' sister calling them to dinner, his mom's teasing looks at the table and his dad setting a date to meet Noeul's parents. It didn't help that his mom asked Noeul to let her son sleep over again because they finished late and it wouldn't be safe for Boss to drive back after sending Noeul home.

They stayed like that for a while, silently hugging each other on the couch.

When Noeul's eyes caught the clock, he turned to the man beside him.

"It's almost 11pm, Boss. We have to be at the office tomorrow after lunch to get prepped for the event in the evening," he told the man beside him, who seemed to be content at nuzzling the crook of his neck.

Boss reluctantly stopped what he's doing and let go of Noeul's waist when the latter stood up. He then followed the latter to the bedroom.

"Go take a bath first," Noeul said, prodding Boss to the bathroom when he saw a notification on the phone he's holding. The latter looked at him, then at his phone, but didn't say anything.

"It's my secretary in South Korea. She's just giving me an update on the reports I asked to be emailed before the end of this month," Noeul explained, knowing the man before him must be curious but didn't have the heart to ask. And that was all it took for Boss' face to lighten up and the corners of his mouth to slowly go up, forming a smile.

"Oh by the way, you can use these pyjamas. They're slightly bigger for me so I never got to use them," Noeul said, handing Boss the clothes he got from the adjoining dressing room. "The fans sent those last month and the housekeeper already washed them."

Boss accepted the silk pyjamas and muttered a soft thanks before he got into the shower.

Noeul then sat on the couch at the corner of the room and went through his messages. By the time Boss got out, he'd also finished. When he looked up, he saw boss putting his clothes in the hamper near the bathroom door. "This man is starting to feel at home here." He observed, somehow feeling happy and excited at the thought.

When they went to bed after Noeul freshened up, both were just content with hugging after wishing each other good night. It didn't take long before Noeul heard Boss' steady breathing, indicating that the latter is now in dreamland.

Noeul took a closer look at the man hugging him. He noticed how extra clingy Boss has become after they confessed their love for each other. He could see how much he tries to reassure him that his love is true and that he's there to stay. And Noeul longs to give Boss that reassurance too. But his hurt heart, coupled with that fear that they might break up, is stopping him committing to a relationship with the latter.

If only he could be as fearless as he once was, Noeul thought. He hated seeing Boss slowly losing the confidence he worked so hard to achieve. And Noeul tried so hard to support the man he loves in order to be more confident with himself.

"Am I being selfish now?" Noeul unconsciously muttered as he caressed Boss' face. When he asked the latter to give him time to think things over, he wasn't sure how long it would take before the wall his broken heart built falls. He wasn't even sure if Boss could break down that wall at all.

His thoughts brought him back to his conversation with Boss' dad earlier. The ailing man called him over while Boss was helping his mom clean up after dinner.

"Come child," the man stated, indicating the seat opposite him.

Noeul awkwardly sat in front of the man, wondering why he was talking in such a hushed tone.

"You know I like you, don't you?" Boss' dad said, smiling. "I can see how happy you make my son. And I'm glad I lived to see the day he found his happiness."

Noeul couldn't think of an appropriate reply so he just bowed in thanks and smiled shyly, knowing his face is now flushed from embarrassment.

"I can sense something is bothering you, though," the old man then said cautiously. "I'm not gonna ask you what it is, nor will I offer any unsolicited advice. What I'm gonna ask is a favor." He then reached out for Noeul's hand, which the younger one extended.

"At my age, I am just happy to see that my son has found his happiness. And I know that's you." The old man's frail hands now clasped Noeul's.

"I am asking you for a favor now: Please don't forget how lucky you two are to have found what you have. So please, choose to be happy," the man said meaningfully, looking Noeul in the eyes.

Noeul is still absentmindedly caressing Boss' face. "I'm scared, Boss. I'm still scared," he whispered, looking at the sleeping man beside him.

"But I want to be happy. And I know that would only happen once I see you truly happy," he let out a sigh and snuggled closer to the man he loves. "Will I really be enough? Can I make you truly happy for the rest of our lives?" he mused as he lay his head on Boss' chest.

He didn't notice the tear that fell from the eyes of person beside him.