Happy Little Accidents

best thing that's ever been mine

Zak jerked awake from a nightmare. Sweaty and breathing hard. She threw back her blankets, feeling her bump and checking for any sign of blood.

Nothing. Buddy fluttered around as if to let her know they were alright. She sighed in relief. 

Even with Bob back on solid ground, she struggled to sleep. She tossed and turned in fits of unrest, eventually making her way down to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and either watch the sunrise or try to get comfortable on the couch. Sometimes Bob would wake up and join her when he found her missing from their bed, but he was a sound sleeper and didn't always wake when she did. 

This morning was no different. Rubbing her face with a quiet groan, she looked over at Bob's peaceful form. He slept on his stomach, face smushed into the pillow and snoring softly. She never could bring herself to wake him. She just didn't want to bother him with her problems. He'd call her stubborn and give her a kiss and try to help anyway. 

Sliding from the bed, she padded downstairs to the kitchen and turned on the electric kettle to boil water. Maybe it was selfish, but she enjoyed the quiet early mornings alone. Well. Alone as she could be at five months pregnant. 

It felt so strange to stay in one place for more than a few weeks at a time. Even stranger to live with someone again. 

It was moments like this, hours before dawn, when Zak doubted every decision that brought her here. Awake from a nightmare where she relived her miscarriage and thankful for her rainbow baby. But doubtful of Bob's love. Doubtful that letting him in was the right decision. Doubtful that keeping the baby was even the right call. 

She'd always been on the lonely side. Melancholic, her mother would say. Her grandmother once joked Zak was born with a broken heart. She didn't mean anything cruel by it. But it made Zak question her worthiness every time someone got close. 

It only worsened after the accident. She was broken on the inside and the outside then. An unlovable shell of a person. 

She couldn't even give Bradley the family he wanted and he'd left her for it. 

Dr. Callisto and the base OB instructed her to slow down and avoid things that could cause undue stress. But Bradley's concussion and subsequent amnesia caused her nothing but.

He didn't remember her losing their baby or breaking her heart.

And she didn't think she could break his heart the same way. 

Thankfully Maverick had dragged him away to be readmitted and checked out by a neurologist before they could talk. Not that she had much to say to him.

There was a time when she would have given anything for him to kiss her like he had at the hospital. 

But those days were long past. 

And now what should have been another notch in her bedpost had changed everything. 

Bob said he loved her. Loved Buddy. 

But every time he said it, something in the back of her mind scratched its way out and told her it wasn't true. He loved Buddy. He loved that Zak was carrying his child. But he couldn't possibly actually love her too.

"Hey, darlin'." Bob's sleepy rumble jerked her out of her thought spiral and she dropped the mug she'd pulled out for her tea. She swore as it shattered on the vinyl floor. He jumped into action, grabbing the broom and dustpan and sweeping up the shards all while apologizing profusely for startling her.

"It's fine." Zak sighed and took down two mugs this time. If he was awake, she might as well share. "Sorry if I woke you."

"Naw. Had to piss. Saw you were up and got worried."