Happy Little Accidents

head on the ground

The first few days and nights without Bob around were lonely, but Zak filled her time with freelance interior design consults and picking out things for the nursery in the new house. With the help of Lenora and her mommy group, she put together a baby registry. There was so much she hadn't realized she may need to do or purchase before the baby came. Not to mention signing up for birthing classes and finalizing a birthing plan.

She definitely wanted an epidural. No C-section if it could be avoided, though her OB strongly recommended one. 

After about a week, the nightmares started. Bird strikes. Bob couldn't eject. His parachute failed. He drowned. He went down with the plane. 

She was almost afraid to go to sleep and checked her email multiple times a day for any word. His messages were intermittent. Sparing mission details, he mostly talked about ship food, drills, and how much he loved and missed her and Buddy. 

When two weeks rolled into three and the Daggers still underway, Zak went to Phoenix and Lenora's. The apartment was all packed up, but she had movers take what she didn't need to a storage unit instead of the house. It didn't feel right moving in without Bob. 

"Thanks again for letting me stay." Zak said for probably the eighth time. 

Three weeks had become four and they were closing in on five weeks without their partners or any word on when they might return.

"Of course, sweetie." Lenora beamed, setting Frankie in her high chair so she could start on dinner, "We gotta stick together while our people are out there."

"Does… does it ever get easier?" 

When she and Bradley were together he worked on base through the week, but he didn't go underway or on missions. But, of course, that was before he became a pilot. 

"I wish I could say it does." Lenora sighed, offering a small, sad smile, "All we can do is press on. And if you're the praying kind, that probably don't hurt, either."

"I keep… I keep having nightmares." Zak admitted. If anyone would understand, it would be an aviator's wife, "The plane goes down. He can't eject. He hits his head. His chute fails. He drowns."

Bradley told her once about his dad's death. Goose hitting his head on the canopy trying to eject. And she couldn't help but imagine Bob meeting the same fate. 

Accidents happened. Her pregnancy was an accident. But Bob dying in an accident?

She didn't think she could handle it.

"Oh, sweetie." Lenora abandoned the veggies she was chopping and pulled Zak into a tight embrace. Lenora didn't say anything else, just rubbed her back and held her until she pushed away. 

"I think I'm gonna go for a swim before dinner."

"That's a good idea. The water will help you relax. Having a pool was a godsend when I was pregnant with that one." She chuckled, motioning towards Frankie. Happily scribbling her way through a coloring book.

At twenty-three weeks, the flutters in her belly turned to full on kicks and nudges. Sometimes it seemed Buddy was practicing karate on her ribs. Dr. Callisto said that babies could often sense their mother's stress and encouraged her to take it easy. She also recommended swimming. Not only as exercise but as a good way to relax and ease her aches and pains. 

If Bob were around he'd be offering to rub her feet or lower back. Partially to get his hands on her - she noticed how touchy he was very early on in their relationship - but mostly to help her relax. She wished he was there to feel the kicks. He'd probably cry. And then tell Buddy to be nicer to Zak and kiss her stomach.