Every Glistening Night

Chapter Thirty-Seven

The last thing I expect when I merge into the line for the second meal is to see Ixek. He spots me from a few people away and smiles. I give an awkward wave in response. Soon, I stand before Ulane m'ke, who hands me a steaming bowl of stew. Based on the looks of the dryish bits poking out from the viscous, brown top layer, it appears that the cooks have broken into our supply of cured meat. I dig in eagerly on my way to my seat, mentally blocking off a portion to save for Mother.

My visits to her have grown scarcer, contrary to the promise I made her earlier. But really, the situation is out of my control. I can't help it if I spend all my free time trying to make this robe in order to keep her safe. Eventually, I'm going to explain why I was so frequently absent during these past moons. It's only to protect her, and myself, from the tribe's wrath. She'll understand then. But for right now, I just have to hope that she's staying somewhat warm in her cave, staying hidden from spying eyes.

"Mind if I join you?"

I startle around to see Ixek behind me. "Oh, uh, no." I dust off some of the snow from my rock before sitting down. He sits on the ground, though he's so tall that I'm only a little higher than he is. He glances over the tribe as he eats. I try not to notice the frequent glances cast in our direction, especially by Senna and Anaeja.

"I guess my sister has a problem with me sitting here," Ixek says after a while with a humorless chuckle.

"Yes," I say, unsure how else to respond. We eat for a couple more minutes in silence. I make it halfway through my food before I force myself to slow down. I have to save some for Mother.

My eyes stray to Ixek. But how can I stash some away without him seeing? An inkling of frustration wells inside me. I suppose I'll have to wait until tonight.

"I had an idea," Ixek whispers. He takes another bite of food, chewing slowly before going on. "I could ask Nal m'se to let us check on the Anderwres again. That would give us extra time to find more starlight."

"Do you think she'd let us?" I ask.

"It's worth a try. Then you'd also be able to get some proper rest these next nights."

I stare at the brown sludge piled in my bowl. The only thing I can think is, what about Mother? I sigh, pushing my shoulders back. If I leave, it will be for Mother. If I miss a few more days, it's to ultimately protect her. Her safety comes first, and this is the best way to secure it.

"Alright. When can we see her?" I ask.

"Right now, after we finish the second meal."

I have no trouble wolfing down the rest of the meal. Ixek strides across the clearing, depositing both bowls before entering the Matriarch's cave without being stopped by the guards. They have no reason to question him, I suppose.

The Matriarchs we pass smile and greet us by name, something I never imagined happened. It makes my chest swell with pride to think that the highest leaders in our tribe know me by name. Then again, I suppose they try to know everyone in the tribe, they just don't always make their knowledge so obvious.

Nal m'se sits atop her gray throne, her hair braided intricately down her side. We bow at the entrance. A tremor runs through me at being in the most honored matriarch's presence uninvited. Perhaps Ixek should've come alone, or maybe we shouldn't have come at all.

What if she discovers my secret? Can a mere expression betray one's deepest, darkest thoughts? At this moment, with panic rising in my chest and my heart quickening, I'm certain she'll discover the true reason why we're here. We're not planning to check on the Anderwres. It's to hide my forbidden deeds.