Caving In | Titans

Chapter 4 - Nightmares

Nightmares are a funny thing. They're rarely anything realistic once you're able to be calm enough to think about them. But they always contain some type of fear or traumatic event someone has experienced. Sometimes, it's not rational or there is some deep hidden meaning behind the nightmare but other times, it's just from trauma left unhandled. Those nightmares are the worst.

They make you revise the worst times of your life over and over and over like a broken record. No matter what you do, you lose in the nightmare. Years later, you might be happy and healthy but the nightmare comes back and you feel like you're right back where you were. Trapped in the never-ending agony. Trapped inside a tilt-a-whirl made of panic attacks and broken hearts. And every single night, it's a living hell.

And that's where Sam is now, living her own personal hell with screaming so loud her throat is raw and ragged breaths beg her chest to finally cave in. The flashes of her "foster dad" scar the back of her eyes with every blink, like Freddy Krueger clawing his way to the surface. She might have escaped him physically, but mentally she's trapped like a bear at a circus. Her hands shake as tears well behind her eyes and as the panic rages through her veins, the anger sets in. And she's so mad that she's allowing this piece of shit to haunt her even in her sleep, somewhere she might just feel safe. How is she ever supposed to be safe from him if she can't even sleep? What if he finds her? What if, somehow, her nightmares are just a sign he's coming after her? What is she supposed to do then? What if he has powers and that's why he's coming to finish her off?

A million what-ifs scramble through her brain as she sits in her bed, the bedside lamp still on. She gets out of bed and it's not even like it's her walking. With every worst-case scenario running through her head at once, she's just moving through motions to exit her room. She needs to make sure he isn't here, needs to make sure everyone here is safe from him, that she is safe from him.

Her hands go up, right in front of her, slightly outstretched as if waiting for her to run into him. The palms of her hands glow green, ready for any type of attack she might come across in the secure tower while she tiptoes her way out of her room.

"Sam?" A groggy voice from the right pulls her attention as she was just about to walk down the hallways. She jumps and spins quickly, the glow of her hands intensifying in the dim light of the hallway. "It's me." Gar defends quickly, putting his hands up. "Gar?" His voice is still groggy but full of fear as he glances between her hands and her face.

Sam could see him with the dim lights of the hallway and the green glow of her hands but it still didn't click, not until he said his name. She isn't sure where her head was but a part of her is scared because of it. She was so lost in a state of fear and urgency to make sure everything was safe, she was blinded. It's a bit terrifying. 

Sam lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, dropping her hands as they turn pale. "Fuck, what're you doing?" She whisper-yells at him.

Gar takes a few steps towards her. "You were screaming." He whispers back to her. "I heard you so I came to see if you were okay."

The walls aren't thin but Gar is pretty sure her scream could have woken up anyone. It was loud and pained, etched in terror. But, that's a thing that happens here from time-to-time. Everyone has a habit of occasionally waking up screaming. It's either childhood trauma haunting them or new trauma from Trigon. Gar figures that's why no one else got up. They're conditioned to be used to it.

Sam watches him carefully as the panic starts to cloud with feelings of regret and guilt. She didn't realize she had screamed loud enough to wake anyone up. That's not fair to anyone, to be woken by someone who can't handle their own shit. And then to be standing out in the middle of a hallway at the crack of dawn with sleep still in their eyes talking about it. Sam looks to the floor, shifting her weight on her feet and chewing on the inside of her cheek.