Tunes | Harry Styles

The Saint

Harry

It's a quiet night. Too quiet, my own breathing felt suffocating through linen. Louisa is doors away in this hallway, but she was as close to the cells of my brain. She was bothering me like an itch I couldn't scratch, I didn't understand why. If I were honest, I didn't understand anything that were happening. She felt so far, but so close.

I closed my eyes, darkness arousing me - slowly turning to the colours of her face. Her hair, brushing like the tip of a painting brush over her face. Her cheeks tinted like a beetroot scattered across a wooden board. I could smell the moment than taste it. Tokyo. Memories now haunting me like ghosts. I groaned, sitting up in bed. "Fuck sakes, Harry" I muttered to myself, irritatedly running my hands over my face to my hair.

I hated myself for this. I hated being too attached, but my heart being too cold to let her in. A knock interrupted my busy thoughts. I hesitantly stood up, hoping it was her. I opened the door, seeing Mitch. He had a smile across his face, holding two bottles of beer. "Ello-", His smiled slowly drops, my expression probably getting the best out of me, and of course he noticed. "You alright, mate?" He whispered, arms slumping back in defeat. I sighed, shaking my head, turning around and turning on the lights. I hear his steps following in, and the door shutting behind me. "What's up?" He asks, as I set on the sofa.

I sighed once again, cracking my knuckles and sinking onto the sofa. I looked at Mitch, him raising his eyebrows - signing me to speak. "Well?" He muttered, placing the beer aside then sitting across from me. "Well..." I trailed off. "Well?..." He moves his hands, telling me to continue. His gaze falling from annoyance to worry.

"I think I am in love with Louisa."

My heart dropped into my fucking ass when I said that. It was like releasing in sex. No, it was better than that. It was like I finally listened to what my heart was telling me all this time. I pressed my lips together, not seemingly regretting that I said that. It felt right, as though what was keeping me up all this night was because of a small light that turned out to be big.

I love her more than that. I think I have, ever since that night in Tokyo. I love everything about that woman.

I finally looked up, looking at Mitch's eyes. His mouth slightly agapes, but then close. "You do?"

"I do."

"Does she know?"

"I don't think I ever want her to know."

"And why not?"

"Because she isn't worth losing."

"But loving her from afar is enough?"

"She will never be enough, because I don't think I can ever get enough of her..."

Silence fills us both. He were confused. That was me, just a few moments before he walked in this door. But now my heart embraced my mind, pushing itself to form into one to now make things clear as day. "May I ask why?" Mitch intertwined his fingers, looking at me carefully. It was selfish of me to dump him such information, but I know other than Louisa - Mitch will always understand and just listen.

"I..." I whispered, pausing. I didn't know where to start, but my heart was filling its pistol to shoot all the things I adored about this woman. "She just makes sense..." I started off, supercuts of her smile, of us, of our kiss filling my sight.

"I make sense when I am with her. I am not walking around eggshells when I am with her. She's beautiful, she's so fucking..." I paused, a smile playing on my lips as I look at Mitch. He mirrors my smile, crossing his arms across his chest.

"She's more than letters to secrets affairs, or poetries to lovers. She's the blueprint of all of the things that has meanings, Mitch."

"I was so scared to let her in, without knowing she already was a living piece of me."

"I think being in love is just the tip of the iceberg of your feelings, Harry."

"She's pure, I am rotten. Outside, she may be the sun. To me, she is the rain to wash my sorrows and sins away. She's the saint, and I am the sinner for loving such one as pure. She's the poetry I keep sacred under a tree, until I die and find her in another lifetime. Now I know why I had to get hurt so many times, until I have found her. So I can carry hope to love again, and she is the reason..."

"Harry Styles, this woman turned you to Shakespeare..." Mitch chuckles slightly.

"I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest" I muttered a William Shakespeare quote.

Now, I can sleep peacefully. But, now, I have to bear the fact that I can't ever tell her what I feel. I didn't wanna hurt her, and I didn't want to hurt myself. Loving her from afar is more than enough.