Imaginary Lover

Chapter 16

A/N- I'm back in writing mode woohoo!!!! Also, reading like crazy. I wrote this a while ago and thought I'd make it longer but I decided I'd post it as is and write and post a new chapter soon. Also, MY COLLEGE IS ALMOST OVER I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY LEFT. And JIBCon is awesome. And if I could send physical hugs to Jared I would.

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Dean had barely stopped the car before Gabriel raced out and ran up to the doorstep to the Winchester house. "Someone's excited," he muttered under his breath causing Cas to chuckle. By the time they got out and reached the entrance themselves, the door had been opened and Mary stood watching them. Cas visibly shrunk, ducking his head and refusing to look at her.

"Hey mom," Dean greeted and walked in followed by Cas.

"Welcome back, hello Castiel," she greeted him in a not so warm voice. Cas only nodded and stepped over the threshold and followed Dean inside to the living room.

"Okay, so, Dean I want to speak with you first. Castiel, please go upstairs to Dean's bedroom and I'll ask him to come get you when I'm done speaking with him," Mary said curtly. Cas gave Dean one last look and got a nod in return from him, making his way up the stairs to his bedroom.

Dean and his mother sat across from each other. She waited patiently, knowing Dean would be ready to speak soon.

"Mom, he's... he's not okay. What happened with the whole diary and me- me cutting, it wasn't his fault. I overreacted and I shouldn't have said the things I did-" Mary had interrupted, holding up a hand.

"Dean, he caused you to relapse. You cut, again. You cut after you promised me you wouldn't. You were better, so much better I... I just don't understand why you would let yourself do that again."

"Mom, I was hurt. It was unbelievable the amount it hurt me at that point in time. If anything, it was agonizing and dizzying and made me want to break something. In this case, it wasn't a vase like a normal angry and hurt person, it was my own skin. And I'm so so sorry for breaking my promise, but you have to understand, I wasn't the only one who relapsed. Once Sam sent him back, he started using drugs again. I don't even know how he got his hands on them or if he had them already but it's just as bad for me as him. We're both addicts in our own way, you understand better than anyone. We need to help each other, all of us. Hopefully I won't have urges and I think Cas will be having withdrawal so, we need to take care of him. He needs us, mommy. Please, help me help him; help us keep fighting."

Mary's gaze had softened by the end and she considered his words silently. "You love him, after everything you do. What if there comes a point where it just doesn't work anymore?"

The question hung heavily between them but Dean hadn't thought about it, not ever. Maybe unconsciously he knew that it would happen because Cas was a year ahead and considering his options, he might be forced to move by his parents or job or whatever. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there," he said dismissively.

Mary sighed but nodded. "I need to talk to him. Send him downstairs and don't try and sneak in on the conversation, I'm pretty sure he's going to tell you anyway but I need to talk to him with the knowledge that we aren't being overheard. Understood?"