COLORS

CHAPTER 22.

DIANNA

He was silent but his spirit was screaming. So loudly I wanted to cover my ears and wish I was deaf too. He was shaking so was I. When I held him close, I don't know. His head was leaning on my chest, laying on the cold floor. I was holding him so tightly as if I will protect him from all those horrible things already done to him.

My cheeks were soaking wet and my fingers were brushing his soft hair. We stayed in our position because it was so comforting. No one wants to break it.

" I'm not a monster. " He whispered, I hardly hear him. " I can be anything but not a monster. Dianna. " I cried but hush him as if he was crying. Yes! He was but from the bottom of his heart with dry eyes. His chanting was getting loud as if he wanted to poke those words into my skull. It scared me even more, scared for him. Because he doesn't sound well. He sounds. Like sick. Again, I wished I was deaf too. His voice was too audibly firm and painful when he started shouting, throwing his hands in the air. I kept my hold on him to prevent him from shaking when my own body was shivering.

" I'M NOT A MONSTER. I'M NOT A FUCKING MONS..."

" No. No. You're not. You're not. " My grip tighten on his wrists as he calm down, again his head leaned on my lap but his whisper was still going on. " You're just tired. " My palm caressed his muscular arm, in soothing manners. " It's okay to be tired. Eden. " I hissed when he clutched my wrist.

" I'm not Eden. He's dead. It's Adnan. " I swallowed but nodded, his breaths started to go normal and he left my wrist. " But you're right...I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired, Cupcake. " He said, I trembled because once again his voice was back to normal as if he had not told me that ugly past of his life.

" Yes! You're...and you can rest now. " My fingers caressed the scalp of his head, brushing his hair softly.

" I can't. Not right now. I've so much to do..." My breath hitched because I know what he was talking about. I didn't feel any humor about it, that he was actually telling me; he was going to kill my father ( he's the last person who's alive, right? ) But I was hurt because he becomes so humorless that he doesn't feel anything after telling his wife, he's going to kill a person. " When I fulfill my dream, will you help me in rest? Will you be there for me? Will you be there to cheer for me? Will you smile when I reach my destiny? " I don't even know why I nodded, but I found myself nodding eagerly and maniacally.

His dark chuckle squeezes my heart.

" This time, I want your promise you can't break, Cupcake. " My cold cheeks brushed by him as he wiped my tears.

" I will be there. For you. Adnan. No matter what destination you chose. No matter what. I will be there with a smile on my face, cheering you to reach your destiny. I promise. " I held his hands which were as old as ice cubes, and so were mine.

" You can't break this promise, you know this right? " I heard him say, so tenderly with a hint of warning, I nodded anyway.

He leaned even closer to get some comfort as if it wasn't the cold floor but the bed, as if this wasn't a freezer but our room, and as if there wasn't a dead body nearby but flowers. He was so comfortable, and I can't blame him. I rubbed his right hand between mine.

" Get up. You will get sick. " I whispered, totally avoiding the fact his hands were painted with blood and there was a dead body. I just don't wanna know, I'm going to pretend it never happens...I don't know, perhaps I need time to adjust my mind with this bombarding of surprises. I need time to think. Until then, I'm going to pretend. Pretend like this night never brings darkness into my life.

" I like here. I like watching those jars in which I kept those filthy people's filthy parts. Stay here a little while. " I clutched his shirt, feeling nauseous by his statement. " It's pleasing. Cupcake. " He told me, tenderly.