𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕟

Chapter 27 : First Aid Kit

It is now five p.m. and I have spent the last few hours responding to e-mails, talking to Eva and Tom on the phone, and playing my guitar.

It is almost time for dinner, and I need a way to distract myself until then.
There isn't much I can do so I decide on cleaning the house.
Ivy was supposed to do it with me, but she hasn't left her room yet, and I would rather not face her at the moment.

I give it my all and I don't miss a corner. I sweep and mop and dust off everything.
Ivy would be proud.

When I am finished, I take a shower and then go to the kitchen to get started on dinner.

I look through the cupboards and in the fridge, and I realize how useful it is to have Tyler around. He never misses the groceries and now I have to go because we don't have anything to cook for tonight.

I sit on the stool and start writing down all of the things we are missing on one of those neon pink post-its Ivy likes so much.

Once I am satisfied with the list, I lift my head to warn Ivy that I am leaving with a shout, but to my surprise, she walks in at the exact same moment.

I clear my throat and open my mouth to tell her, but she cuts me off.

"I come in peace," she raises her hands in surrender.

I give her a small smile and stare at the post-it in my hand.

Ivy leans forward on the kitchen island and bows her head, "Alex, I really am sorry."

I know she is. But I am not sure it's good enough anymore. It doesn't feel right, this thing where everything is fine and suddenly it isn't.

"I can't do this with you anymore. I keep messing it up and I don't like the way I feel when that happens."

Ivy winces, "You're not messing it up."

"Yes, I am," I laugh bitterly, "it's fine. Maybe keeping our distance is the best thing for us."

Ivy walks over to me and grabs the stool, turning it so I am facing her.

"You are not messing up. I am," she says and looks away, "I know you mean well, but sometimes it's not about what you say, it's how you say it."

"I feel like you are telling me what to do, and it makes me feel like I'm losing control and I lash out, and sometimes it brings back memories that I wish I could erase from my mind and since I can't do that, again, I get mad."

I nod because I'm not sure what to say.

"I tend to ruin things when they're good before they can hurt me first. And you are so good to me, Alex. And I hate it because before you got here I kept trying to come up with ways to get you to stay away but now... I don't want to picture my life without you in it, and it scares the crap out of me."

"I hate this," her voice cracks, "I hate feeling this way. But I promise you, I am trying, and I am sorry," she cries and all I can see is a child begging for forgiveness.

I can't understand how Tristan could keep hurting her while she looked like this.

"Can I hug you?"

Ivy's smile is sad when she nods her consent.

I stand from the stool and put my arms around her waist. Ivy immediately drops her head onto my chest and I can feel her hands grip my arms tightly.

It lasts about a minute, and the sobbing dies down eventually. When I pull away from her, I examine her hair and twist a chocolate strand with my finger.

"I love your hair."

Ivy swats at my chest with a laugh, "I love it, too."

"So. We're out of food," I say and Ivy groans and throws her head back.

"Where the fuck is Tyler when you need him."

"My thoughts exactly."

"We could just order a pizza? It's late. We can just go grocery shopping tomorrow," Ivy suggests with pleading eyes.

"Lazy ass," I laugh and she joins me.

An hour later our Margherita is on the way and we've decided on a Harry Potter saga re-watch.

We're thirty minutes in when the delivery guy rings the doorbell.

"I'll get it."

I walk to the door and pay for the pizza.  When I get back Ivy is on the ground.

"You're pushing it," I say and she rolls her eyes.

"If you don't think this is the best way to eat pizza, then you are not worthy of the Margherita you are currently holding," Ivy makes grabby hands at me, "Gimme!"

I place the box on the coffee table and I grab us two Sprites from the kitchen before sitting down next to her.

Ivy is on her third piece when she starts scratching her arm again.

Every now and again I catch the movement with my eyes, and I try to keep my mouth shut. It works until I spot blood trickling down the red skin.

"Ivy, enough!" I gasp and grab her hand, pulling it away from her arm.

"Oh, shit," Ivy hisses when I examine the cuts.

I look at her with pleading eyes and she sighs.

"Okay, I know you're right. I'll ask Dex if he knows a good dermatologist and book an appointment."

"Thank you. Now, where is the first aid kit?"

"I can go and get it, Alex. It's fine," Ivy says but I stand up too quickly.

"Bathroom?"

Ivy nods, "Tyler's."

I go upstairs and quickly get to his bathroom. I look around for the first-aid kit and I find it on one of the top shelves, with his razors.

I momentarily forget that Ivy is waiting for me when I see them. I wonder if they were strategically placed next to the thing that could save Ivy's life if she were to try again.

I swallow the lump in my throat. Ivy is here. She is safe, and nothing like this will ever happen again.

I grab the box and I bring it to Ivy.

As I am about to open it, she takes it from me and completely ignores my presence.

I watch her spray the hand sanitizer on her hands and brush the anti-bacterial wipe on the scrapes without batting an eye at the pain.

Ivy cuts the gauze and rolls it around her arm. When she is done, she sprays the hand sanitizer again before putting everything away, and then casually goes back to her pizza.

I stare at her for what seems like ages until she finally looks at me with her mouth full of pizza and curious eyes.

"What?"

"Were you a nurse in your past life or something? Also, enough of this," I say as I close the pizza box.

Ivy pouts but doesn't argue. She wipes her mouth with a tissue and finishes her Sprite before she speaks, "Two years of tending to my own wounds helped my pain tolerance. Cuts like these don't even sting at this point."

I don't like how unbothered she looks. It shouldn't come so naturally to her and this is yet another part of her life I can't fix.

I decide to keep quiet and we end up calling it a night after the third movie.

I walk Ivy to her door and I can't help but glance at her arm.

"I am fine. I'll see a doctor and he will fix whatever is wrong. Until then stop worrying about me, I'm a big girl."

Ivy pats my chest twice and I smile at her before she goes inside and shuts the door.

I text Tyler to let him know everything is fine and go to my room, falling asleep an hour later.