Jurdan Oneshots

8

I'm sleeping with Cardan in our bed.

Our limbs are intertwined together. My legs crossed with his, my hand on the back of his neck while his tail is wrapped around my waist, pressing our bodies together.

I notice the moment he wakes because I feel his tail moving around. It's not unusual for the occasional twitch while he sleeps but it's not just a twitch. His tail is literally running laps on my body.

I pull myself closer to Cardan. "Can't sleep?" I whisper, against the nape of his neck.

I feel him shudder and he removes me from him.

I open my eyes to see what happened but I can't see his face. He's still laying down but his body is facing the other way.

My eyebrows furrow.

"Cardan?"

"How did this happen, Jude?" He says, in a whisper I almost don't catch

I blink in surprise. He could be talking about just anything. Him becoming King, his childhood, his mostly-dead family, the list goes on.

"How did what happen?"

"Us." I'm taken aback by Cardans words.

Was he not the one who wanted this? He admitted to me that he wanted me, not the other way around.

"What exactly are you saying?" My words slip out in a tone which indicates I am angry and I suppose I am.

He flips over, facing me and I see the look on his face. It makes my breath stop and my mind pause.

I can't tell what emotion he's feeling but I can see it hurts. I don't know what's going on but I know I want to help.

"Talk to me, Cardan," I whisper.

"I don't get it, Jude. Why me? Why would you want to be married to someone who once hated you?" His voice cracks at the last sentence. I swallow, unaware how to respond.

He continues. "I thought you said yes because you pitied me. I thought you kissed me with a knife to my neck to trick me. It wouldn't be much of a surprise considering you had no problem making me king even though you knew I would despise it. So my question is why? Why marry me? Why let yourself fall in love with your enemy?"

I had no clue he was feeling this way. It makes sense, I just never thought about it. I guess it is weird.

We used to hate each other. By all means, we should not be lovers.

But we are. Just because we used to loathe each other, doesn't mean we still do. Everyone changes, for the better or for the worse. I can safely say that Cardan has changed for the better but what about me? Do I deserve to be The High Queen of Elfhame? Am I even good enough? I think about it everyday but I don't know how to tell him any of this.

"I don't know, Cardan. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to. I seriously considered killing you because my feelings were getting too intense," I chuckle at that while he has a look of deep concern and disbelief on his face.

"You. You are crazy."

I, for once, am the one grinning while he is stunned. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you not know that when you asked me to marry you?"

"I knew you weren't the brightest person but I didn't think you'd resort to killing just because you liked me a lot. That's intense. Even for you, Jude."

My grin shifts into a smirk. "Nothing is too intense for me."

He bites his lips, eyes going to my ears. "But seriously. What do you see in me?"

I shift to lie on my back, staring at the ceiling instead of his coal eyes.

"The real question is what don't I see in you, Cardan? You're so beautiful, it scares me. I am nowhere near as perfect as the Fae and I know that. What if one day you find someone else? Someone immortal and as gorgeous as you. Someone who can actually lead Elfhame, someone who isn't a laughing stock in court." I feel the tears forming but I blink them away too late, some spilling down my cheeks.

Cardan extends his hand, wiping some off. "Jude, I had no clue--" I shake my head, unable to speak without my voice shaking.

But he seems to understand, quickly forgetting the rest of what he was about to say.

I take a few breaths before continuing, "Being a mortal in a land full of Faeries isn't easy." I laugh, shakingly. "Getting bullied wasn't easy. Poisoning myself everyday so I could be immune wasn't easy. Finding out the bastard I liked chose my twin sister over me wasn't easy. Having my parents murdered in front of me by the man I now call my father wasn't easy. But for some reason, loving you was always easy. It was one of the few things I was sure of in this world." I pause.

"So what do I see in you? I see my future, Cardan. I don't know if you feel the same, but that's the truth. You don't have to believe my mortal words but deep inside, I know it's how I truly feel."

Silence.

I sneak a glance to Cardan to see his widened eyes. His mouth is slightly ajar, as if he can't believe the words coming out of my mouth are mine.

"Carda--"

"I believe you." He whispers. "And I'm sorry. It might not help but I am. I was an idiot. I liked you and I didn't know how to deal with it. So I tortured you. I made your life a living hell, worse than it already was. I never stopped to think, Jude, and that's what I hate most about myself." I can see his eyes glistening. He continues in a soft voice. "I never wanted you to hate me. I had never received love myself, I didn't know how to give it to you. I was so scared. Scared I was going to mess up and you were going to leave. Scared I had already messed up when I started bullying you." He takes a shaky breath.

"I want to spend the rest of my years with you as well. In fact, I don't think I want anything else more. Mortal or not, no one could ever replace you, Jude. No one can lead Elfhame like you do, my darling god." Cardan smiles, his eyes glistening. "Let them talk. Let them laugh. And when they least expect it, prove them all wrong. Just how you usually do. Show them, Jude. Show them you are so much more than what the rumors say."

And with that, he presses his lips to mine.