Jurdan Oneshots

12

I bite my lip, trying my hardest to stay quiet.

As of right now, there is a dagger stuck in my thigh.

I was on my way back from a revel at the palace when I was attacked. I left earlier than the others but what I didn't know was that someone was waiting for me in the trees. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to pay attention to my surroundings.

Out of nowhere, a dagger flew out of the forest and landed in my thigh. Thanks to my mortal eyes, I didn't see my perpetrator but I did hear them run off. The ride back home is a blur. I don't remember how I climbed up the stairs to my room but it must've taken a long while, considering I had to limp.

Now I'm on the edge of the bathtub with the door locked, trying not to panic. I still haven't taken the dagger out because I know a lot of blood will come out and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

So I am trying to clean off some of the dried blood around the blade.

After I've scrubbed most of it off, I slowly grab the hilt of the dagger.

Moving hurts so, so much.

I reach over for a cloth to put in my mouth. I bite down on it hard, steadying both of my hands on the dagger. I close my eyes and try to think about something, anything else.

Cardan.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him so much.

I focus all of my energy onto that feeling and yank the knife out.

My teeth grind down on the cloth and I get the metallic taste of blood in return. My cheeks are wet with tears and my leg is covered in blood. I almost faint at the sight of it.

It's too much. Too much.

I squeeze my eyes and get the urge to scream.

To scream at my mother for running and leaving her children at the hands of a monster. To scream at that very monster, whom I do not know if I should love or hate. To scream at my twin sister for betraying me when I thought she was the only one I could trust. To scream at Cardan and all of his bastard friends for all they have done to me.

I wish to yell at Faerie for taking away my childhood, my humanity. I want them to feel how I did when I got told my ears were too round or how I looked too plain to be amongst creatures such as them.

I want to scream at whoever decided my fate.

"Why? What did I do to deserve this life?"

I want to erase the past 17 years of my life.

But I cannot.

Instead, I push all of these feelings out of mind and focus on cleaning my wound. I am glad the cloth is still in my mouth as I dump the liquid medicine on my leg because I let out a gasp which it muffles. Salty tears are flooding my eyes to the point where my vision is blurry.

I am tired and angry.

I let my body fall into the tub, the thud causing more pain to sprout throughout my body. My eyes begin to close but I know I cannot sleep now.

If I do, I may never wake.

I force my arm to move and grab the bandage on my side. I begin to undo it but it's hard. I can barely move, for it will hurt and I cannot see, because of my tears. I am trembling by the time I get the bandage undone. I lift my leg as slowly as I can but it still burns.

With shaking hands, I wrap the bandage around my skin. I am sobbing by the time I am finished. My head is in my hands and my body feels numb.

There is blood on my hands, both mine and not mine.

I cry and cry and I don't stop crying until sleep eventually overcomes me.