Joy Anna's P.O.V.
Joy. My name. I'v never really given much thought to the meaning of my name until now. I didn't realize its importance until I lost it. What exactly does it mean to be Joyful?
I know that you're supposed to find joy in God, but I feel like he's mad at me. I lay in bed wallowing in my sorrow, wondering when exactly my life became this depressing.
The obvious answer is when my parents did this to us, but what if it was before then? Just stored up, waiting to come out, hidden from sight.
As I stared at my phone, my vision became blurred from the tears that I didn't think I had left.
A Facebook page, dedicated to me.
"Joy, please open your door. " John pleaded, knocking on my door for what felt like the 100th time.
"Just leave me alone John." I said, attempting to hide the waver in my voice from the tears.
"I will knock down this door if I have to." John stated in a warning tone.
I decided to let him in, knowing his persistence wouldn't stop. I slowly got up, forcing my sore legs to carry my body across the room.
When I opened the door I saw John there, his face held a look of extreme concern.
"What do you want?" I asked, trying to compose myself and put on a nonchalant facade.
"Joy you've been in there for hours, please just tell me what's going on." He begged, feeling helpless from the lack of information he possessed.
"It's nothing, really." I tried to brush him off, but it was obvious I was lying.
John sighed and sat down on the bed beside me, making an indent on the sheets. I tried to inconspicuously scoot away from, but the wounded look on his face made me scamper back.
"Joy I can't help you unless you tell me what's going on." He started.
"I don't need your help." I replied rebelliously.
He sighed in a mixture of hurt and frustration,"Joy, you're my little sister, I'm supposed to protect you. I can tell when you're hurting, so stop lying to me. Just please tell me what's going on so I can help you! I feel so helpless seeing you struggle and not being able to do anything about it."
His voice cracked at the end of his small speech, letting me see how helpless and vulnerable he was making himself just for my sake.
I caved, unable to keep it from him any longer. I silently handed him my phone instead of explaining it out loud, I didn't have the heart to do that.
At first, his face kept the same look of sorrow on it as he looked at the pictures of me, but soon morphed into anger and disbelief.
"Joy... this is ridiculous! Do you know who did this?!" He pried, enraged.
I shrugged.
"Well, I'm going to the school board with this, you can bet whoever started this isn't going to get away wth it! He vowed.
"It's fine, you don't need to do anything about it." I told him dejectedly. "A bunch of other people have already commented on it anyway, whoever started it isn't alone. "
"No way! I'm not letting them get away with that! The nerve of those people! " He yelled, clenching his fists.
"John it's fine, just let it go." I pleaded with him.
"Joy, come on they can't just-"
"Please just let it go." I cut him off through clenched teeth.
"Alright, alright." He held his hands up in surrender, giving me a curious look.
"Since I showed you will you leave me alone now?" I asked, not meaning to offend him, I was just tired of talking about it.
"Sure Joy, if you're really okay." He agreed.
"I am." I lied.
He gave me a pained smile as he stood up and ruffled my hair.
I tried to smile back for his sake, but it didn't reach my eyes.
Once he closed the door, I collapsed in a heap onto my bed and just laid there, unmoving, staring at the ceiling, thinking.
I didn't have the strength to move so I just continued to lay there until I drifted off into a troubled sleep.
I dreamed that I was at school and I was walking in, but all the kids were pointing and laughing at me.
I was confused why until I looked down and realized I was wearing a bikini bathing suit, the same one I wore to the pool.
My fat was spilling out in globs, making me look obese. I pulled my arms tightly around myself, but it did nothing to help cover me.
The kids all just laughed from a far, but I could hear their whispers.
"Ew, why would she even wear that"
"She's huge!"
"I heard her parents were too ashamed of her, so they sent her away."
"She's such a hypocrite"
"What a slut"
Tears were in my eyes, threatening to spill like a waterfall. Suddenly it wasn't just my classmates laughing and whispering about me, my siblings and parents were in the crowd as well.
They were taunting too, but their words hurt so much more.
"You've always been the fat one"
"You were a mistake"
"A Failure"
"You can never do anything right"
"You're the screw up of the family"
Each word was like a knife stabbed into my heart and the hole just grew deeper and deeper with each jab.
I screamed at the voices to go away, but they wouldn't. I closed my eyes and covered my ears with my hands in a pathetic attempt to drone them out. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut, willing them to go away.
I felt my cheeks go wet with tears and I suddenly snapped into reality as I felt John's hands jerking me awake.
"Joy, it's just a dream, you're okay." He tried to comfort me as I sobbed into his shirt.
I clung to him as he comforted me and eventually drifted back into a dreamless sleep.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A/N
OMG GUYS I UPDATED!! I am a terrible excuse of a human being, I am beyond sorry that I didn't update at all!!! I've had a lot of crap going on in my life and I know that isn't an excuse, but it's true. Also, I spent DAYS editing this book, because I started it when I was 13 and I can't read it without cringing and I'm really upset because wattpads stupid and won't let me upload the changes, ugh!! Sooo what do you guys think about the "Duggar Scandal "? I personally was sexually abused as a child in a similar way, so I'm not sure what to think. Anyway, yeah, sorry bout all that, I love you guys so so much!!
-Hailey
