The Grumpy Sunshine Series

Nightmare

Originally Posted: 01/16/2022

It's 2 AM when Bucky's jolted awake- a normal occurrence for him. He can't make out the dream, all he knows is that his subconscious is so deeply rattled that he can't sit in his room and wait for everyone else to get up.

His bare feet gently pad through the halls when he hears you.

"I behave," you mumble. "Sorry- please, I behave."

He leans in closer to your closed door- pressing his ear gently against it and hears the quiet creak of the bed from your tossing and turning.

He's not a dream expert and maybe his sleep deprivation is making him see things that aren't there, but it doesn't sound like you're just saying random words. They sound like phrases. Like you're telling someone that you're sorry and that you'll behave. He gently cracks open the door, only to have it get stuck on a blanket that's snugly tucked in the crevice between the floor and the door.

Now he's positive that this isn't a one off occurrence- not if you take precautions to make sure you don't wake other people.

He kicks the blanket away from the door, quietly sliding the door open. And for a second, he just watches you- putting more pieces of the seemingly endless enigmatic puzzle that you are. You were always the first one up in the compound, when it was just the three of them in mission, no matter where you were you were always up before everyone else. He never knew how you did it, always up before him, bright eyed and a smile on your face.

He asked you about it once and you shrugged it off telling him that you were like Buddy the elf and only needed a full 45 minutes. He rolled his eyes and didn't really think to ask again. You went to bed early- usually around 9, it didn't seem like that big of a deal if you were an early riser. He didn't really think anything more of it.

"Abomination," you shudder, panting so hard that Bucky panics and gently jostles you awake.

"James," you gasp, abruptly sitting up. "What are you- what's wrong?"

"You looked like you were having a nightmare. I didn't know what else to do except wake you."

"Oh," you reply.

"Are you alright?"

Your breathing is uneven and you look just as rattled as he felt just a few minutes ago. "Yeah, I'm alright."

He's about to walk out the door, when he momentarily musters up enough courage to be open with you. "Don't make this a big deal- but do you want me to stay tonight?"

"No, it's fine-," you start, but then you look and see the plea in Bucky's eyes. You look at him and realize that he doesn't look any better than your current state, so you nod. "Yeah, can you stay with me?"

"Of course, Doll."

You scoot over, gently placing the covers on Bucky. He doesn't turn around though- he simply remains lying face-to-face with you.

"You're not an abomination," Bucky whispers, feeling the intense urge to tell you- that you need to hear that from him.

Your eyebrows furrow, your tired mind not quite following. "What?"

"You talk in your sleep," he responds.

"I know- it's why I keep the blanket tucked under the door."

"You're not an abomination," he repeats, directly conflicting the words that were shoved down your throat your entire life. The word you were forced to call yourself. The word that was spat at you an infinite number of times.

"I was born like this, James," you exhale.

"So?"

"No one did this to me," you continue.

"What about the whole 'it's a gift, not a curse' thing?"

"Maybe," you sigh. "Maybe not- I don't really know."

"Well then trust me because I do. I do know," Bucky whispers, then takes a moment before saying anything else. "You know, sometimes I'll stay awake all night."

"Me too. There's an actual reason I'm up so early, not just because I want to be up," you quietly add to Bucky's confession.

"You mean, you don't only need 45 minutes of sleep like Buddy the elf?" Bucky snickers. "I can't believe you actually said that to me."

"Well what was I supposed to say?" you chuckle. "James, I don't like to close my eyes because I know I'm going to end up back in that room. Or that sometimes, I stay awake at night because I don't even know what my favorite color is and I'm afraid that I don't have a real personality."

"You've got a dark sense of humor at night," Bucky laughs. "It's yellow, by the way."

"What?"

"Your favorite color- it's yellow. It's the one you wear the most. The flowers you keep in your room. It's yellow."

You sleepily smile at Bucky. "Thank you."

And pretty soon after that, you both doze off filled with the unfamiliar feeling of warmth and safety.

The first time Bucky wakes up, he's facing you, the sun casting an ethereal glow on your still sleeping face. Your hair is splayed out all on the pillow, your head resting underneath his arm, his other arm laying on your hip. He knows he should move his hand to a more appropriate location, but tells himself that he's trying to keep you asleep. He's quickly lulled back to sleep by the sound of your even breaths.

The second time, he's jolted awake by the sound of a shutter- a camera shutter. He forces his body to stay completely still, while his eyes whirl open to asses the situation. His head jolts in the direction of the sound and he sees Sam standing there with a smug look on his face, his smartphone camera pointed at the two of you all snuggled together. He swallows the shouts, but mouths all kinds of obscenities and threats at the man.

Sam teasingly walks away from the room and Bucky's about to give up his restraint and go after him.

That's when you grab his arm, the one that was wrapped around your waist. And place it right back where it was. "Stay."

And how is he supposed to do anything else except stay? He can kick Sam's ass later.