The Grumpy Sunshine Series

A Blue Christmas

Originally Posted: 12/26/2022

Honestly, Bucky's not sure what exactly he was expecting when he walked into your apartment.

Actually, that wasn't true.

He expected the place to look like Christmas had thrown up everywhere. For your's and Sam's apartment to look like a miniature North Pole. Something so glaring that Saint Nick himself would tell you it might be a bit much.

Complete and utter silence was nowhere on that list. Not a singular decoration in sight was nowhere on that list. A glaring absence of a tree was also nowhere on that list.

He'll be the first to confess that it had been a very busy few weeks for you. Constant assignments and missions meant there was barely enough time to sleep and eat, let alone put any effort into being an enthusiastic participant of the holiday season.

But for almost a month, in spite of the exhaustion and having your hands completely full, he heard you go on and on about how excited you were about your first Christmas.

And while he outwardly remained stoic, there were times that you almost broke his stone faced expression at the way your entire face would light up as you talked about all the things you wanted to do for Christmas, all the things you'd read about but never got to experience, this list you'd gone on and on about of all the things you were going to do for your first Christmas. He could recite the list by heart at this point: decorate a Christmas tree, hang lights all around your apartment, make the perfect cup of hot chocolate, decorate Christmas cookies, and finally, stay up all night watching Christmas movies on Christmas Eve.

At this point, he'd heard your dreams for the holiday to the point where he could envision the whole thing himself. And he had to admit, the picture you were painting was a beautiful one.

And knowing this only fueled the strangeness of the situation.

Christmas was only a few days away now, and there was no sign of any holiday spirit or cheer.

"Uh, Sam?" Bucky asks as Sam walks into the living room. "What's going on?"

"Um..." Sam questioningly hums for a moment, scanning the room to figure out what he's talking about. "You finally used the emergency key we gave you?"

"Yes. But no, that's not what I'm talking about."

"Oh, the decorations?" Sam guesses, a remorsefully smile on his lips. "I tried, but every time I suggested we start she shut me down."

"She shut you down?" Bucky repeats in disbelief.

Sam slowly exhales, his mouth twists apologetically. "It's been a tough few days for her."

"How do you mean?"

Sam shrugs again, this time he's getting on Bucky's nerves. "It's kind of hard to explain. I don't even really know why- none of us did. But there are times, that she just kind of... retreats. I don't know, man, I think it's harder to be a human ball of sunshine than she lets on."

"So she's just going to hole herself up in her room? Why don't you go talk to her or something?"

Sam crosses his arms expectantly, "And say what exactly?"

"I don't know, that Christmas is in a few days or something about holiday spirit or the true meaning of Christmas or- or I don't know, I don't write the pep talks."

"And for good reason, that was awful," Sam chuckles.

"Sam," Bucky deadpans, silently pleading with him to intervene.

Sam remorsefully shrugs. "Honestly, I don't even think a pep talk from Santa Claus himself could fix it. And I gotta say, I completely understand."

Bucky's entire face furrows, clearly unhappy with Sam's lack of urgency in the situation. This wasn't like you. And as much as he hated to admit it, it was worrying him. Worrying him immensely. "You understand?"