The Grumpy Sunshine Series

I Miss You Like It Was The Very First Night

Originally Posted: 01/20/2022

"I don't know why you agreed to that in the first place," Sam grumbles. "It's grunt work. Stupid grunt work. Grunt work that the grunts make gruntier grunts-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. It doesn't matter, I agreed to it over a year ago. I was still trying to figure out my place here."

Sam shrugs. "I guess. How'd she take it?"

"Who?" Bucky asks, though he knows exactly who Sam's talking about.

"Don't play dumb with me," Sam retorts, elbowing Bucky in the ribs. "Seriously, I can't imagine she'd be okay with it."

"Why not? You don't think she'd be happy for me finding a purpose here?"

"Am I chopped liver to you? All the missions we've gone on- nothing, really?" Sam quips. "And I'm sure she would...or she'd try to be happy for you. But that girl has severe abandonment and attachment issues, which brings me back to how she took it."

Bucky remains silent, ruminating on the very good points Sam just brought up.

"Oh no," Sam gasps.

"What?"

"Tell me you told her- that you talked to her about this." Bucky sighs, grabbing another beer for himself. Sam shakes his head at the idiot in front of him. "You mean to tell me you didn't tell your- for all intents and purposes- your girlfriend that you're leaving for 15 months?"

"You're leaving for 15 months?" you whisper from behind Bucky.

"Doll," he gasps, cursing your light as a feather footsteps. He whirls around just in time to see your smile slowly drop into a frown. He's never seen you look this upset before, and it breaks his heart.

"I should let the two of you talk," Sam awkwardly excuses himself, before bolting out of the very tense room.

"You're leaving?" you whisper, feeling a strange tugging sensation at your heart and your throat.

"Yeah," Bucky ruefully sighs, grasping the back of his neck. "I'm going on a mission."

"What kind of mission?" you whisper, feeling your jaw tighten.

"Undercover."

"That's- that's cool," you quietly offer, an unbearable sadness growing in your chest. "Going undercover- that'll be fun."

"I'm not going undercover. I'll be the contact point for the people actually going undercover."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

When you finally find your voice, you can't keep the words from spilling on your mouth- all the fear, all the sadness. It pours out of you. "Wait, you don't have to go right now? You can stay for a little bit, right?"

Once you see the apologetic look on his face, you have your answer. "Or you can take me with you- and I can cheer you on from the sidelines. Or just sit in the background, right? You don't have to leave me." You pause for a moment, tears welling in your eyes. "You don't have to leave me."

He sighs, not able to look at you. "Doll..."

"No, don't. Please don't. Just don't go. Please don't- I know it's selfish to ask. Just...please. I can take a lot...but I don't think I can take this," you frantically admit as your throat continues to tighten.

"Doll..." he tries again.

"No," you scramble for the words. The right words that'll make him stay. "I'll do better. I'll be better. I promise, just please don't leave me...No one's ever stayed this long before. Please. You can't leave."