antifragile | lesserafim sixth member (PERMANENTLY INCOMPLETE)

6 | a listening ear pt.1

knock knock

sakura pov 

"y/n are you there?"

silence.

"can i come in?"

silence.

"if you don't say anything i'll take it as a yes."

silence.

"ok i'm coming in now."

*door opens*

i opened the door to see y/n lying down on the bed resting after the incident just now with a look of confusion, sadness and frustration all mixed on his/her face. 

i'm quite sure y/n did not mean to snap at minju just now, just that something as shocking as a long-lost sister suddenly appearing in front of him/her after more than 10 years cannot be accepted that easily.

especially when she is a well-known idol in the industry.

"y/n, can you honestly tell me what happened then? take it slow, i'm not forcing you to say anything if you don't feel like doing so. everything you say here will only stay between the both of us ok?" i slowly initiated the conversation in an attempt to get to know the situation i'm dealing with.

y/n opened his/her mouth, only to seal it shut a second later. i could tell that y/n is trying to tell me something but at the same time struggling to do so.

"it's alright sweetheart. just tell me when you're ready. i-"

before i could even finish my sentence, i was cut off by y/n breaking down into tears while muttering something softly.

"kkura... T-T

it's so hard. 

i can't do it anymore."

i went up to y/n and gave a backhug. even though i was older and more experienced, i never encountered such a situation before and didn't know what to do in such a situation. 

but as always. a hug and a listening ear always works, so why not do that.

i felt y/n slowly leaning back against my body, as tears stained my shirt but that was the least of my concerns right now.

the main concern right now was how to comfort the crying member in front of me.

after y/n cooled down a bit, he/she began talking in between her sobs.

"so...

i didn't mean to disrespect minju like that, it's just, you know...

and...

i don't know how i'm supposed to react to that information honestly. there's just too much to take in...

it's hard, really. i don't think i have told any of you about this, but... after that day my whole life was flipped upside down. no place to live, nothing to eat, no money to survive. i had to leave school in order to work at mcdonalds to earn money for my basic needs. i slept alone in the alleys every night, hungry and cold but with nowhere to go. especially during winter, it was terrible... the reason why i lost control was because when i was suffering, she didn't know anything and was living a very comfortable life with no worries in the world, like she just forgotten about me and moved on... but i guess i can't blame her since she had no clue at all.

ok but then, when i was walking back from my job one day, i saw that iz*one had debuted. you all were my role models during my darkest times, and that is where i started doing choreo covers... until one day pd-nim saw me recording a cover and wanted to take me into hybe. and which genius wouldn't accept this opportunity? 

so i took it... and he offered a dorm room for me and access to my meals, which i gladly accepted. however, my heart was slightly dampened when years flew past and i was still not part of any potential debut lineup. trainees came and left, some debuted, some got transferred to other agencies, but me? it's like they kept me as a trainee just to play with my emotions, to think that i would get to debut one day but no. evaluations were held, i was always criticized even though i did better than most of the trainees. of course i couldn't complain or anything, since pd-nim did take me in... but i would rather be out there trying to earn money for a stable life instead of waiting in the hybe building thinking i could debut and have a stable income when all they wanted to do was just waste my time.

then when the original lineup was announced, my heart dampened once again, knowing that i didn't make it in. i had actually made plans to leave hybe by 2022 if there were no solid plans for me there. but somehow pd-nim convinced me to stay for another half a year as there was something "planned" for me, but i saw nothing that could have been possibly planned out for me.

until the end of may, where one of your original members was placed on hiatus and got kicked out... that's when they replaced me. even though that move made me feel i was just a replacement for them, i was desperate so i just accepted it. plus, you guys have a ton of potential so i don't see why not join you all. so... that's about it i guess...

oh yes and one more thing. since i don't think minju would come back here or even want to talk to me, let alone forgive me, can you pass this message to her when you see her?

please help me tell her that i never meant to lash out like that and i actually love her a lot, it's just that i do not know how to express it properly especially during this situation, and i really hope she can forgive me..."

as y/n rambled on and on about his/her life story, tears started to trickle down my cheek. i never expected someone that young to go through such a tough life. yet the said member is just casually telling me all these, y/n really is someone very mature.

"i will, y/n. i'll make sure minju forgives you. now go to sleep, crying is very tiring. you still need energy for tomorrow's activities. i'll ask chaewon to cuddle you to sleep when she comes back ok?" 

after i slowly tucked y/n into bed, i left the room and headed back to the lower floor.

i'll need to let chaewon and minju know about this...